Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Day 346...aLL bY mYseLf...

I've been workin out with A for several weeks. We have fun and have become good friends. We've been working on building "strength"...not "muscles". In fact...I'll use this opportunity to RETRACT my previous statement some weeks ago. A corrected me. Apparently I said that A knows how to build muscles. He said "Not true. I know how to build STRENGTH.". SO there you have it ladies and official retraction/ I'll get back on track. Saturday A and I had a scheduling "snafu". Monday we hit it hard at the park. Yesterday, he was too busy. Today...well who knows. I'm choosing to be positive and so after not hearing from him...I texted...mopped the gym while waiting...and then decided to just go on and workout...and that's what I did.

I really like working out WITH someone. Some of the funnest training days I had with J were when we would workout together on Saturday...especially the day we went to "the hills". But the fact is...things don't always go according to plan...and we can't always have things as we would that's when you gotta put on your proverbial "big girl panties" and do what you gotta do.

I did yesterday's group class WOD...only I subbed Ring Dips in place of Ring Rows because I did 100 Pull Ups yesterday and didn't especially want to repeat such a similar exercise. I was shocked by the Overhead Squats. I have always been very weak and shaky on those. The RX was the barbell so I used the women's hind sight I shoulda grabbed the men's bar. Usually I feel shaky...out of control...and I struggle to keep balance. Today it felt...well...shockingly easy! I realized that the strength training A and I have done has indeed made me STRONGER...which in turn helped me be a better "Crossfitter". Yea us!...uh errr...I mean...Yea me! I am challenged on Ring Dips. At the CF cert at GSX, T showed me how to use the blue band to help me be able to hang and get good ROM while still being able to do Ring Dips. It's amazing how hard it still is...but it definitely helped.

When I got done I came home and bathed...again...and got ready to go to lunch...ALONE. My Mom was not available and my sis, K was workin in Dallas. I sat in a restaurant...not fast food...all ALONE. I tried to call my husband for a little conversation...but AS USUAL...he was too busy to take my call. I left a message...but knew he wouldn't call back. I felt like a loser...I was lonely...and the "sympathetic" stares of the other groups around me only made it worse. I wanted to call W so bad. He ALWAYS makes me happy when I'm sad or worried or lonely. That's why I always turn to him when I feel down, but I knew he would be working...and we haven't talked much since his fiance came back. I shopped a bit afterwards. I realized in the middle of the store that I had not spoken a word...other than placing my lunch order and trying to get someone...ANYONE to talk to me on the phone...since my client left the gym at 10:30. 5 hours is a LONG time to go without any conversation!

I was feeling sad. I went to the restroom in a store and a little old lady came out of the stall next to me. She said, "Oh look so cute today!" I thanked her. As I walked away she said, "You really are cute!...and you're a SASSY one too!!! Aren't you?!?" I stopped a little surprised..."YES. I AM SASSY." I walked off a little more sure. I decided that I may be alone...I may be sad...I may be disappointed...but I don't have to hang my head. I tried to be as "sassy" as I could... even if I was...all by myself.


21, 18, 15, 12, 9, 6, 3


1 comment:

Shorty said...

Hey M,
I'm sorry you were feeling so alone. I hate that feeling! I know exactly where you're coming from, too. Sometimes you just need a little friendly conversation. And, working out alone sucks most of the time! I've tried to get used to it, but I still hate it. I'm glad you found the reassurance you needed, and the little lady who complimented you couldn't have had better timing! Maybe she was one of those angels that come out of the woodwork when we need them the most!

I hope today is better for you!