Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Day 228...OWWW!...

I think my body is trying to fight off a cold. This is the second morning I've woken up with a funky, sore throat...but that wasn't what I noticed upon opening my eyes...I noticed my back. It is so sore...right in the middle. If I breathe in too deeply, it feels like a "catch"...like I'm being stabbed with a knife right in that spot. I don't feel incapacitated or anything...just uncomfortable...and whiny ;) The good news is that it does not feel like an injury...it just feels really sore. I don't know if my form was off yesterday...or if that's just life after deadlfting 115 lbs...55 times.

I think I'm going to avoid strength training and running for the next 2 days. I need the rest. I'll just drag my tired butt to the gym and do some low impact, long, easy paced cardio today. I may be "demoing" some "moves" for Jared tonight anyway, so I'm sure I'll get something in before the day is out.

CARDIO
-----------
55 MIN ON TREADMILL (10 MIN FLAT ELEVATION @ 4.5 / THEN 5 MIN AT 15 DEGREES ELEVATION @ 4.0 - REPEAT)

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Day 227...10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

I was worried about how well I would do today when I woke up this morning, because I had no voice and a sore throat. I felt pressure to do well today with "the new guy", C coming in to Crossfit Mansfield this evening. I didn't want to let J down...not again. Slowly, my voice returned and I started to feel better, so I went and did cardio this morning at Utopia. I tried to think positive...a feat for obsessive, pessimistic, perfectionists like me.

Tonight's workout was deceptive. These 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 workouts are way worse than they seem. The good part is that when it peaks...you are on the downhill slide...it can only get better the longer it goes. The deadlifts felt surprisingly easy. The running was the worst part...especially when I would turn to come back and the wind was pushing me back. I felt much stronger than I anticipated...which was a nice surprise. C was there working out at the same time, but was doing a different WOD. He's a very nice guy and will be a great addition to the gym. It was nice to workout alongside a person that didn't stare at me like I'm a circus act...but that was struggling to "gut it out" just like I was...someone that can appreciate the effort.

Today went well. It was a relief. I really enjoyed today's workout.

WARMUP
-------------
10 OVERHEAD SQUATS (3X)
5 PUSHUPS (3X)

WORKOUT
-------------------
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

115 LB DEADLIFT
24 IN BOX JUMP
PUSH UP

400 M RUN (EVERY OTHER ROUND-10, 8, 6, 4, 2)
TIME=23:46 (I THINK...I'LL DOUBLE CHECK TOMORROW)

CARDIO (IN A.M.)
-------------
35 MIN ELLIPTICAL

Monday, April 28, 2008

Day 226...i dOn'T kNoW wHaT tO tHinK...

Here I go again... I'm not crazy sad or down after my workout. Actually, I'm not sure how I feel or what to think of myself...of my performance. I was cautiously optimistic about today's WOD. I hurt my hand pretty bad last week...and it's doing a lot better...but it's still pretty sore...and that new skin is very sensitive. I really thought that I could just tape it up and do whatever I want...pullups included.

I was wrong. From the get go...I was out of sync. I couldn't get the right grip and my hand was hurting...really bad. I didn't want to complain or tell J that I needed to stop. I just wanted to push through. It finally became apparent that it wasn't going to work. I think that J was disappointed and thought maybe I wasn't trying. The problem was that it takes concentration to do well on these types of workouts. It also takes commitment to the workout and to finishing. It was becoming difficult to commit or concentrate when I had to keep adjusting the tape...then trying to put gloves on...then trying gloves without tape. I was a disaster. Every time, I would go out to run...I was internally beating myself up...which only slowed me down and made matters worse. J finally changed it up, but at that point I was off my game.

When I was done, I did 30 minutes on the rowing machine for my cardio. It was much harder than I anticipated. I was feeling so desperate during the last 5 minutes that it was crazy. I was glad though because the intensity helped me walk away feeling like I had done...something. A new "Mansfield Crossfitter" is coming in to workout at the same time as me tomorrow. J and I joked that he'll probably come in and be way stronger and faster than we are. Today was weird. I hope tomorrow goes a little smoother.

WARMUP
-------------
10 OVERHEAD SQUATS (REPEAT 3X)

WORKOUT
-----------------
21-15-9

INVERTED RING ROWS (FEET UP ON BOX)
THRUSTERS (65 LBS)
PULL UPS (BAND ASSISTED)

400M RUN AFTER EACH ROUND.

J SCRAPPED THIS ON THE LAST ROUND AND HAD ME DO SOME BOX JUMPS, LUNGES CARRYING A KB, AND WALK OUTSIDE ACROSS PARKING LOT WHILE HOLDING A 45LB BAR OVERHEAD. I FINISHED WITH A 800 M RUN.

CARDIO
----------
30 MIN ROWING MACHINE (5975M)

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Day 225...sOmEtiMeS eVeN TOUGH gUyS cRy...

I fuss at my son when he whines or cries for no good reason. I tell him that "big boys" and "tough guys" don't sit around crying when things don't go their way. I reminded myself of this when I ripped up my hand the other day and I wanted to cry. I sucked it up and I didn't cry.

Yesterday I went to my daughter's soccer game. Her team...The Dolphins...have won every game...except ONE that they tied...since last season. They are used to winning. They always assume that they WILL win...again. They played the #1 team, The Stars. The Stars are #1 because they have won ALL their games and NEVER tied. They score tons of goals...the most of any team all season...but they also give up a lot of goals. The Dolphins are the opposite. They are not high scorers, but they don't give up many goals either. It was interesting to watch a game of OFFENSE vs. DEFENSE. It was frustrating because we had the crappiest ref of all time that never called anything on The Stars and called some really unfair and actually WRONG calls towards The Dolphins always mysteriously when they were about to make a goal...but that's the way it goes in sports...you can't use the ref as an excuse. The Dolphins wanted to win...but in the end...they lost...by one goal.

My daughter was crying at the end of the game. I started questioning her as to why she was crying. I wanted to tell her to "suck it up" or to "clean up her face", but before I could "toughen her up"...she told me that she was crying because she wanted to win so badly. It wasn't a "poor me spoiled brat" cry...it was a "agony of defeat" cry.

It reminded me of a time when I was training with W. I pushed myself to the limit because I wanted my name at the top of the white board...I wanted to win...to get a better time than everyone else that took the test before me...and I did. Then he took me to the track and told me to run a timed mile. The problem was that I had given everything to the race I had just finished and I had NOTHING left. I ran...and it hurt...and I felt dizzy...and I wanted to stop...but I didn't. I was determined to crawl if I had to, but I wasn't going to stop. I finished...on my feet..and W came to me with a puzzled look. He said, "I'm not even going to tell you how slow that was!". My response was something like, "GOOD!...because I don't even want to know!". I sat on the track. I still remember how it poked me and how warm it was. Before I could "hang tough"...before I could "suck it up"...the tears began to fall. I covered my face and I sobbed...for quite a while. W just sat with me and tried to reassure me. When I finally pulled myself together, I was humiliated. I felt weak. I went home and texted an apology to W. He surprised me with his response. He told me that I didn't need to apologize and that he thought it was a "beautiful expression" of the fact that I just want to "be great"...and then he said that I needed to realize that I AM already "great". I learned a great lesson that day about tears and strength.

Yesterday, I was reminded that crying is not always a sign of weakness. Sometimes it's a "beautiful expression" of the desire to "be great". Sometimes...even "tough" guys cry.

SUNDAY = REST DAY

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Day 224...MAX squats...and more...

Today was a "strength" day. Those are hard for me...not because I'm weak or don't enjoy them...but you have to take time to rest in between efforts. Then, because I haven't been going like a maniac...I worry that I haven't done enough. Now that J has his own place, we can do more of this stuff, because he has bumpers and I can drop the weight if needed...and I did...a couple of times. I'm still not used to it though, so I would sit frozen with weight on my back like..."help"...J would say "Drop it."...and then I would. It was nice this morning because I couldn't sleep last night and I was really tired. I woke up feeling stressed...although...I'm not sure why. J is an easy going person...and it was just us...so it had a calming effect on me.

I wasn't able to squat as much as I would've liked to, but I did alright...for the first time trying to max out. Then, he showed me his glute/ham developer. That thing could inflict some pain. Lucky for me, I was just "tryin it out". I ended with 100 ABMAT situps and then, I went to Utopia (the "old" gym) to do cardio.

I only did 35 minutes on the elliptical and then I got one of my "brilliant" (NOT) ideas...to do just "a little more". Freakin Idiot! When will I learn?!? I did some other stuff, but finally I was so tired and shaky that I left to grab a tuna sandwich and head to Syd's soccer game. I've been really tired since. My husband is NOT a personal trainer...he's a "financial/investments guy"...but still I got the talk about over doing it when I workout...not from a physiological perspective...but from a financial perspective that could be used in either scenario. I got the "Law of Diminishing Returns" talk.

All in all...today was okay...not the best...and not the worst...just somewhere in between. I'll take that.

WARMUP
------------
2 MIN JUMPROPE
FEW STRETCHES

WORKOUT
---------------
BACK SQUATS (MAX)
3-3-3-3-3

95-115-135-135
(155 failed)-135 (155 failed again)

100 ABMAT SITUPS

CARDIO
-----------
35 MIN ELLIPTICAL
THEN:
25 CLOSE GRIP TRICEP PRESS (40 LB BAR)
25 ROMANIAN DEADLIFT (75 LB BAR)
3 ROUNDS

THEN:
20 OVERHEAD PRESS WITH 35 LB PLATE
20 BENT ROWS HOLDING 35 LB PLATE
3 ROUNDS

25 REVERSE CRUNCH
then...I gave up...because I was too tired

Friday, April 25, 2008

Day 223...RiPPeD...


I have always talked about how if I would eat better...healthier...I could look "ripped". Today I'm ripped...but it doesn't show in my muscles...not on my shoulders...or my back...or my biceps...it is my hand that is ripped....and it hurts...bad. This picture was taken about an hour AFTER we cleaned it up and bandaged it. My hand was hurting when I worked on kipping. I knew I should stop, but I was so excited to be able to get one (a kipping pullup) that I didn't want to stop. Even now, I'm thinking about how bad it sucks that I can't work on it some more tomorrow. Luckily, my hand did not rip open until the very last pullup of the workout. I thought I felt something but I was so exhausted that I just wanted to lay down on the floor. Once I noticed the blood, J helped me wash my hand off and it hurt like crazy! I wanted to cry, but I sucked it up and just took it.

The funniest part was that as soon as I got my hand bandaged...J asked me to sign a waiver basically saying I won't sue him if I get hurt bad or die. All I could think when he put the paper in front of me was...#1. Is this the most appropriate time to do this? and #2. Geez, my hand hurts so bad, I can barely sign. and #3 How ironic? I'm bleeding because I want to do my best for HIM and he's worried about me suing him! Actually, I KNOW he didn't mean it that way...at least he better not!

I used to be a real wimp when it came to pain. Now I would say I'm pretty tough...but I wasn't feeling so tough this afternoon in the shower. In fact, I cried like a baby the whole time. I wrapped it up really good before I got in. I knew it would get wet, but I hoped it would spare me the burning from the shampoo or water. It helped but it was still incredibly...miserably...painful.

Today I did the Crossfit workout "Helen". When J told me that I was going to use the 1.5 pood (53lbs) Kettlebell, I honestly didn't think that I could do it. It was really hard. The first few swings, I felt in control...and then at times, I felt like IT was controlling ME. It was like trying to walk a St. Bernard and having it drag you down the street. It's funny because, when I came home...I looked at the CF site to watch a video of "Helen" and see how the "girls" did it. Ironically...all the 4 women that made the video (Annie and Nicole included) used 1 pood Kettlebells (approx 35 lbs). They finished in half the time it took me, but while I still probably wouldn't be as fast as them...I would've been much faster with a lighter KB...almost 20 lbs lighter. Still, there was a great sense of accomplishment knowing that I did it with the BIG KB!

It was hard to drag myself to the "old" gym for cardio after all that energy I expended and with a throbbing hand, but I did. I went and did 50 minutes of cardio and stretched. I've been good for nothing since, but I can go to sleep tonight knowing that today I didn't stop when it hurt and that I gave it all I had.


WARMUP
------------
500 M ROW
STRETCH

PRACTICE KIPPING (I DID A FEW...NOT CONSECUTIVE...BUT I DID IT!)

WORKOUT
------------
"HELEN"
400 M RUN
21 KETTLEBELL SWINGS (1 POOD KB = 53LBS)
12 PULLUPS (BAND)

3 ROUNDS FOR TIME (17:?? NOT SURE)

Here's a video of the California Crossfit girls doing "Helen"...

CARDIO
---------
30 MIN RECUMBENT BIKE
20 MIN WALK TREADMILL
STRETCH

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Day 222...restin up...


Today I'm resting. My hands are hashed, but feeling better. I just feel tired and I like to finish the week strong, so I am taking it easy. Usually that means an hour of cardio without any strength training and some abs...today it means 30 minutes on the elliptical and that's it. I refuse to feel guilty or fat because I didn't haze myself. I've got to take better care of myself...really.

CARDIO
------------
30 MIN ELLIPTICAL

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Day 221...rOw rOw rOw your...rOwEr!...

Today was the first time I've ever used a rowing machine...and I LOVED it! I don't usually train with J on Wednesdays, but he was nice enough to invite me to come and "play" with his new toys. I wasn't really having a bad day per say...but I was sleepy after a bout of insomnia last night and weary after a Kindergarten field trip. I was cranky and a good workout was all I needed to turn it around.

We did a fun workout. J finished almost 2 minutes BEFORE me...UGH! I don't usually make excuses, but in my defense...I had a snag with the pullups that hung me up for at least a minute. If there was a tape of me trying to get my inflexible leg up high enough to put my foot in the band...I could make some big money on "America's Funniest Home Videos". After a minute, I gave up and did jumping pullups...still it was excruciatingly FUN!

After we recovered a bit, J worked with me on "kipping". It's so much easier to learn on a good pullup bar and with chalky hands. I'll get those dang pullups eventually...if it kills me and tears my hands up. Yikes! They hurt and look awful, but they are battle scars...and as the quote by Petra Salve says..."Sometimes if you want to be a winner, you have to be willing to bear the scars from the fight." After that, J and I "raced" each other on the rowers. Man...what a gut check! My abs were feelin that...actually many parts of me were feelin it! J won...but there will be a rematch! We had fun...well I'll speak for ME..I HAD FUN!

Afterwards, a man came in to check out the new CROSSFIT MANSFIELD. He was really nice. It was exciting to see someone come in after seeing it on the list of affiliates. It's so great to see J's place come together...a few pieces at a time. He's done really well so far. Today was good.

WORKOUT
------------
500m Row
25 Wall Ball Shots
25 Knees To Elbows
25 Burpees
25 Pull Ups (jumping for me)
400m Run
J-14:44
M-16:41

THEN:
a bit of Kipping practice and...
a 500m row/race between me & J (HE WON)

NO EXTRA CARDIO

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Day 220...oNe HeaVy KB...

It's almost midnight and I'm so tired, but I wanted to get this post in before I head to bed. Today was an interesting day. I was actually looking forward to today with a bit of nervous anticipation. J wanted me to come by his new gym and help demonstrate some of the exercises we do for some new potential "Crossfitters". I did my usual internal doubt crap earlier in the day....what if I screw up? etc etc etc. Luckily, I got over it pretty quick. I got there and met a couple, A & K, that were there talking to J at his new place. They were very nice people and when they were done talking...they agreed to go through a short workout to get a little taste of Crossfit style workouts. We warmed up and they learned a few basic exercises done with correct form. Then we did a short ten minute workout. I was impressed that they kept going and never really complained. I think they have great potential.

Then...J put ME through a workout. I'm back to square one on rope climbs. Dang it! I got up once, but I'm struggling without the "knots". Oh well...I'll get it eventually. I just did "rope pulls" instead of climbs, because I was being retarded and couldn't make it back up.


We got going and I learned real quick that a 53lb Kettlebell is HEAVY...much heavier than I expected. At the same time...I handled it. It was short, but hard. It was a good one. I was really worn out when I got home and my back and quads are feeling those Squats that I did with the Kettlebell. Somehow I ended up with a splinter in my finger that I just noticed...but I'm too tired to dig it out.

It was fun to help J out and to work with people and expose them to something that I love. It's interesting. MOST Crossfit people have been athletes for most of their lives. I...am different. I...was not. I felt like that disqualified me from teaching CF...I'm not as impressive as "other" CF instructors. Tonight changed my perspective. I think one of the reasons that I would love to teach people is because that I know FIRSTHAND that you don't have to be an accomplished athlete to succeed. It's about desire and willingness and the ability to suffer. I want people to know that if an unathletic...once 200 lb...Mom nearing 40...can do it...so can they...IF they WANT it bad enough. I hope that I'm able to work it out and help J teach people. It may be just what I need.


"CROSSFIT WARMUP"

WORKOUT
-------------
INTRO SESSION WITH POTENTIAL CROSSFITTERS:
MAX ROUNDS IN 10 MIN

10 SQUATS
5 PUSH UPS
10 KB SWINGS

I DID 13 ROUNDS

THEN:

WOD
21-15-9
FRONT SQUATS "GOBLET" 1.5 POOD KB (53 LB)
2 ROPE PULLS
24" BOX JUMPS

TIME=15:49

CARDIO
------------
40 MIN ELLIPTICAL (earlier this morning at the gym)

Monday, April 21, 2008

Day 219...mOunTaiN cLimBerS...

I haven't done "mountain climbers" in a long time. Today I was reminded of how much I HATE them. J makes me bring my feet so much further up than W did...and it sucks...bad. Today was really hard, but really good. I felt challenged...but NOT in a...defeated...I can't do it...I suck kinda way...in a good way. The only bad thing about today are the 2 big blisters on my hand...but I'll live.

When J and I were through, I got on the treadmill and walked for 20 minutes fast while a lady I know from church talked to me. When she left, I decided that I was ready to run. Then...I remembered that I'm not a hamster and I don't have to run in circles in a wheel.

I turned off the treadmill...got my stuff...tanned...changed into shorts...and ran outside...much better than at the gym. It's really humid, so I'm still soaking wet, but it was a good, short, 3 mile run. Now, I need a nap!

WARMUP
-----------
4 MIN ELLIPTICAL
10 OVERHEAD SQUATS (20LB BAR/3 SETS)

WORKOUT
---------------
20 PULL UPS (ASSISTED/BAND)

1 MIN MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS

20 "8 COUNT BODYBUILDERS"

30 SEC MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS

10 "8 COUNT BODYBUILDERS"

30 SEC MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS

10 PULL UPS (ASSISTED/BAND)

2 ROUNDS FOR TIME (31:23)

CARDIO
------------
20 MIN WALK ON TREADMILL (4.4)
3.4 MILE "BRITTON RUN" (25 MIN)

STRETCH
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today's RUN tunes...
"ALL MY LIFE"
-Foo Fighters
"CHEAP AND CHEERFUL"
-The Kills
"A-PUNK"
-Vampire Weekend
"CUTE WITHOUT THE 'E'"
-Taking Back Sunday
"CHOP SUEY"
-System Of A Down
"B.Y.O.B."
-System Of A Down
"HYPNOTIZE"
-System Of A Down
"PSYCHO"
-System Of A Down

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Day 218...sUndAy coMicS...


I was just telling J yesterday that I never watch the news or read the newspaper, because it stresses me out. Still I look for the newspaper EVERY Sunday...but not to read about foreign affairs or breaking news. I look at the store "ads" and read the comics. Whenever I see a comic strip that I like...I cut it out. I found this one that I posted in a book and loved it, because unfortunately...I can relate!

I wish I could do pullups. It frustrates me that after all this time...that try as I might...I never get a single dead hang pullup. I don't know when I will...but I know this...when I DO...it will mean more to me than if I stepped up to the bar and pulled myself up on the first try.

We can't appreciate joy if we've never felt sadness. We can't appreciate sweet unless we've tasted bitter. We can't truly appreciate our accomplishments unless we've experienced defeat. I WILL DO A PULL UP...ONE DAY!

SUNDAY=REST DAY

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Day 217...pLayiNg iN tHe diRt...

Today was THE BEST! J took me to what he calls "THE HILLS" and we worked out together. It was still a little muddy in a few places from the storms on Thursday night, but it wasn't bad. It sounds like a simple...fun...maybe even quick and easy...workout. It WAS simple...and I DID have fun...but there was nothing easy or quick about it!

It is a BEAUTIFUL...sunny...spring day. We started with KB swings and then started up the hill. It's deceivingly steep (the picture does NOT do it justice). I was gasping for air so ridiculously when I got to the top, that I was glad that I had to go slowly and carefully down the other side...to avoid landing on my butt. When we reached the bottom, the medicine balls were waiting for us. Those Crossfit style medicine ball cleans are mean...if you do them correctly. I would notice from time to time that the cleans weren't hurting so bad...that's how I knew when I wasn't going deep enough on the squat. I would hear that little angel on my shoulder...or devil depending on how you look at it...telling me..."open your hips"..."shrug your shoulders"..."don't spin the ball"..."go deeper"..."watch your back". I have heard W's voice in my head many times while working out since he's been gone. Today it was all J. I would self correct...and it would HURT...bad...THEN...I knew I was doing it RIGHT!

For me, the worst part was going back up the hill after those cleans. It was all about the pain of trying to get enough "air" and breathe. My legs were fine. The last 2 rounds were grueling...and in the end...what I thought would take us about 30 minutes...took us a little more than 40 minutes to complete. We were sweating like crazy and our shoes were muddy when we were done.

J came up with a great "Saturday" workout. It was hard...but it was GREAT! I love working out side by side...it pushes me to keep up. I loved being outside...and NOT staring at treadmills and painted walls. I loved being tired and exhilarated at the same time when we were done. This was a perfect example of what makes me love and look forward to Saturdays. These are the times when I feel the most alive!

WORKOUT
-------------
"THE HILLS"

20 KETTLEBELL SWINGS (35 lb KB)
THEN...
RUN UP STEEP HILL AND BACK DOWN "GENTLE" SLOPE TO THE OTHER SIDE
THEN...
20 MEDICINE BALL CLEANS (J=20LBs / M=15LBs)
THEN...
BACK UP THE "GENTLE" SLOPE AND DOWN THE STEEP HILL TO THE ANXIOUSLY AWAITING KB

REPEAT FOR 5 ROUNDS

*CARDIO INCLUDED IN WORKOUT TODAY-NO EXTRA-AT LEAST NOT YET ;)

Friday, April 18, 2008

Day 216...rEaLitY cHecK...

I haven't worked out for the majority of my life. I NEVER played sports. I am NOT athletic...naturally. I really WAS "picked last in gym" as a kid. About 4 years ago, I started working out...not to get strong...not to push myself or see what I could do...but SOLELY to lose weight. I'm ashamed to say that in the beginning, I was more than okay with mediocrity...and SO...that's what I was..mediocre...average. When I wasn't really getting the results I wanted (weight loss), I decided to go from 3-4 medium paced workouts a day...to 5-6 high intensity workouts (or what I THOUGHT was high intensity at the time). I then began to lose weight...and I began to somewhat enjoy working out...but only because it made me look better. I met my good friend and my ex-trainer, W, almost 2 years ago. I didn't think I needed him...I was very committed...already thin...and I didn't think I had a thing to learn from him. I reluctantly agreed to a free session with him and my life changed forever.

He hurt me SO bad the first session that I could barely walk the next day. He brought emotions out in me that I had NEVER felt while working out...pure joy...fear...excitement...panic...even anger at times. From that day on...I was hooked. It was like a drug...and he was my dealer. The first "hit" was free, because he knew I would be back for more...no matter what it cost. Now when I workout...it is not so much about weight loss or appearance...as Mark Twight says..."these are consequences...". I workout to sculpt and change my mind and my soul...then my body follows. I workout to see what I can do...to gage how far I'm willing to go...to continue to push past my "self imposed" limitations...to learn something. Sometimes I learn a new exercise...sometimes I learn patience...sometimes I learn to conquer a fear...sometimes I learn things about myself...both good and bad.

After doing this for quite a while and after being coached by two great trainers/friends...I have become fairly proficient...strong. Sometimes I can get lazy...cocky...and I think that I have "learned" it all. When this happens, I hamper my ability to progress until finally I am humbled. I've had some pretty rough days over the past week or so. At times, I have been pretty low. Today, J and I were not able to do the workout that he had planned, but it was okay...because I learned some things...from him...and from myself through my effort.

I learned to do an exercise that is difficult to do...overhead squats. As I struggled to stabilize myself with a 45 LB bar over my head, I was reminded that concentration and desire are just as important...if not MORE important than physical strength. I learned that I DON'T know it all and that I still NEED a trainer. I worked on pull ups..AGAIN...for what felt like the "millionth" time! Near the end of the workout, when I didn't think I could even pull myself up an inch...I squeezed my back together and I felt a little lift. I still can't do a pullup...but I was reminded that if I will LISTEN to the advice that my trainers give me and KEEP practicing... ONE DAY...I WILL get it. I HAVE to believe that and I have to try 1 million and 1 times...or I won't ever do it.

Today was an okay day physically...but it was a great day psychologically. It was a reality check...not a "I suck and I'm weak and I'll never get it" reality check...a "I can do this, but I STILL have ALOT to learn" reality check. I'm nervous about tomorrow's workout, but that's okay. The fear means that I am still being challenged. The fear means that I'm not complacent...I care about how well I do. The fear means I have an opportunity for growth...if I accept it...embrace it...and I am willing to feel a little pain and NOT quit.

WARMUP
--------------
5 MIN ELLIPTICAL
STRETCH

WORKOUT
----------------
PRACTICE OVERHEAD SQUATS WITH 45 LB BAR

THEN:
20 PUSHUPS
20 OVERHEAD SQUATS (STARTED WITH 45 LBS & SWITCHED TO 20/25? LB WEIGHTED STICK)
20 ASSISTED PULLUPS (SMALL BAND)
100 YARD FARMER'S WALK (A 35LB KETTLEBELL IN EACH HAND)
3 ROUNDS

CARDIO
----------
IT JUST WASN'T "IN THE CARDS" TODAY. I FELT SO FATIGUED AND WITH MY KIDS OUT OF SCHOOL, MY PLANS WERE INTERRUPTED. I LOVE CARDIO AND THINK CARDIO IS SO IMPORTANT...I USUALLY NEVER MISS A DAY...BUT TODAY I DID AND I'M OKAY. I ACTUALLY NEEDED THE REST.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Day 215...fiNdiNg mY pOweR...



I am so hard on myself...so unforgiving...I leave no room for error or imperfection. When things aren't going my way...I beat myself up...I tell myself I am weak...that's what I've been telling myself for several days now. This video contains one of my all time favorite quotes ever. I watched this video last night, because I WANT to believe these things about myself. I see them in others...but not me. I need to find my power.

CARDIO
----------
1 HR MED PACED WALK (4.2) AT A SLIGHT INCLINE (1.5)

THEN A FEW ABS...
25 FROGGIES (ON FLOOR)
1 MIN PLANK
30 SEC SIDE BRIDGE(2 TIMES - 1 PER SIDE)
20 "TURKISH GET UP" STYLE SIT UPS WHILE HOLDING 10 LB KETTLE BELL (10 EA ARM)
REPEAT 3 TIMES WITH 1 MIN REST BETWEEN ROUNDS
STRETCH

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"WHEN YOU DOUBT YOUR POWER, YOU GIVE POWER TO YOUR DOUBT." -Unknown
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Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Day 214...Ciento!..Ay Caramba!...

I was feeling...less than enthusiastic...about going to the gym today. I'm tired and sore...my confidence is lacking...but I knew that I HAD to go. That's how working out is for me. It's like a job with no vacation or sick days...so I pulled myself out of the heap I was in and went. I had no clue what I would do when I got there. I looked over my book while I warmed up on the bike and picked a workout that I haven't done in forever. It's funny sometimes how people can call...or text...or just say just what you need to hear without even knowing that you needed hear it. One of the trainers that talks to me all the time, R, must have noticed that I was there reluctantly...that I was "tired". He was nice and we chit chatted and then he looked at my book to see what I was going to do. He smiled and said..."You just keep going and keep working hard. You are one of the top women here at this gym. I don't know if there's any women that could do what you do in here, so you should feel good about that." Wow! He SO had no idea how bad I needed that!

So anyways...back to my workout..."Crossfitters" know what the "Filthy 50" is...and Mark Twight fans know what the "300" workout is...but only I know the "100" workout that was so kindly crafted for me by my friend and ex trainer. It's 100 of each exercise listed. The overhead lunges are never a problem for me, but the ball slams were a little harder than usual because I got a new medicine ball. I "upgraded" from 12 lbs to 15 lbs, but they were still very manageable. The pushups were harder than normal after slamming a heavy ball 100 times...but I mostly struggled with the inverted rows. My arms were so tired at that point and I was more than ready to be done. I broke them up 10 at a time and even that pushed me. My legs didn't really hurt on the last 100 lunges...they just felt very tired. Afterwards, I struggled through cardio. I wanted to do 45 minutes on the elliptical, but my knees started to bother me so I thought it would be better to stop at 35 minutes and still be able to workout tomorrow without nagging knee problems...I mean I DID JUST DO 200 LUNGES!!!

I'm glad that I fought through and went to the gym. My workout was hard enough...without being too hard. I left feeling satisfied...like I did a good job and worked hard. Ay yay yay..What a relief!

WARMUP
-------------
5 MIN RECUMBENT BIKE

WORKOUT
-----------------
100 OVERHEAD LUNGES
100 MEDICINE BALL SLAMS (15 LBS)
100 PUSHUPS
100 INVERTED ROWS (STRAIGHT LEGS)
100 OVERHEAD LUNGES
TIME= 30:42

CARDIO
------------
35 MIN ELLIPTICAL
STRETCH


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
...POSTSCRIPT...5:11PM...

This workout..."El Ciento" as I'm calling it...knocked me on my butt! I obviously overdid it, because I have been spent all day. All I can think about is sleep and sore muscles. I'm lying down on my bed with an ice pack strapped to each knee! WOW!...that makes me feel like an old lady! So...if you're looking for a good "beat down"...look no further..."El Ciento" will do it!
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Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Day 213...oLd dOg...nEw tRiCks...

They say, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks!" I don't believe that. Now, I will be honest...and say...I don't really like change. I'm not a fan of doing things that I'm not good at. I will also say that I can obviously be thick at times. I struggle to learn new things...especially compound, complicated "moves" at the gym. I'm not naturally athletic, and I'm awkward. I listen and I WANT to "get it" quickly ...perfectly...easily...but I don't.

I want to please my trainers. I want them to be happy with my performance. I want them to be proud of me...but I especially want them to WANT to train ME. I feel like this will ONLY happen if I do well...if I cooperate...if I give everything I have...if I am always evolving, learning, becoming better. Many times with W, I learned new things. Sometimes I knew he was really frustrated with me. J doesn't seem to get as frustrated...as quickly...but I know it's hard to tell someone something...over...and over...and over...only to have them freeze up...to act confused...and then...do it wrong! That's ME!

J has been teaching me some Olympic lifts...as well as some other new exercises. I'm not doing so well. He tried to teach me to do "Double Unders" with the jump rope. I just kept missing and the plastic "rope" would "slap" my legs. It hurt...and it was an agitating hurt...one that builds with each swipe. I know it was disrespectful, but I finally had to say, "I'm done!" He didn't like it, but I was getting defeated and I wasn't going to be successful with that attitude. It brought up a wide range of emotions... frustration... excitement... sadness... hope... embarrassment... anger. The part that is so bad, is that I'm afraid that when this happens...that I project these emotions outward. I'm afraid that J thinks I am being flippant or angry with him...but it is all about ME! When I fail, it brings out serious insecurity and then I get "mental paralysis". I over think it and freeze up.

I did a lot of thinking when I got home. I decided that even though this is really hard for me...even though it will take me ALOT of time to "get" these new moves...I want to keep trying. I want to replace all those negative emotions with triumph! I just hope that J doesn't take my failure personally. I hope he doesn't give up on me, because THIS "old dog" wants to learn some new tricks!

WARMUP
-------------
10 MIN ELLIPTICAL

WORKOUT
------------------
50, 40, 30, 20, 10
TUCK JUMPS (SUPPOSED TO BE DOUBLE UNDERS-sorry, J!)
SIT UPS (ABMAT...KNEES BENT...SOLES OF FEET TOGETHER...HANDS OVERLAPPING & "REACHING")

PRACTICED PUSH PRESS & PUSH JERK

CARDIO
----------
20 MIN INTERVALS ON TREADMILL (WALK/RUN)

Monday, April 14, 2008

Day 212...sTrUggLinG tO cAtcH mY bReaTh...

Once...on a video that showed how the actors on the movie "300" worked out to get those hot bodies...a guy from Mark Twight's gym, GYM JONES, said something like, "..if you're not a little nervous before your workout...you're probably not working out hard enough!" I believe that as well. J posted the WOD (workout of the day) for me to see a couple of hours before we were to meet. He also told me that I would be "racing" his other client, B...the one I raced last week...the 18 yr old...200 LB...future Marine! I was a little freaked, but agreed...in fact I said something lame like..."BRING IT!"

I got to the gym...feeling anxious...hungry...I was afraid to eat a big lunch after I saw the workout he posted. I didn't want to BARF! I never have before...but there is always a first time everything! The problem that I didn't think about until I got started was that all I ate was a Slimfast bar about an hour before I got there and I needed MORE "fuel in the tank"! B didn't make it, so it was me against the clock. J had already completed it, so I wanted to at least match his time.

The thrusters were painful...not in one specific place...but an all over pain that made me feel panicked. 50 at a time is hard! The burpees were PURE TORTURE!...especially with having to do that pushup in the middle and go down until my belly and nose are grazing the floor! I just tried to jump as far as I could everytime to cut down on how many I had to do! The run was like rest time. J kept asking about my legs, but my muscles were never a problem...my legs NEVER hurt...it was my cardio endurance. I was struggling SO HARD to breathe. I was gasping for air and the people at the gym were thinking I'm as crazy as ever. At times, I thought I would faint because I was practically hyperventilating. I musta really looked pained because WFG told J, "Pulling fingernails off is quicker if you wanna torture someone." J replied, "She likes it!" Yikes!...I'm not sure if that's scary or a turn on! It took me a while to get up off the ground and recover when I was done. Everything on me was tired...hurting.

I didn't match J's time...it took me a minute longer...dang it! I couldn't do any cardio...I was too wiped out...I still am...all I want to do is lay on my bed. I went to Walmart Neighborhood Market to get stuff to cook for dinner after I left Utopia and a lady walked past me on her cell phone...excused herself to the person on the other end...and YELLED to me, "I WANT TO WORKOUT WHERE YOU WORKOUT!" I just smiled. I guess that's why I keep going...even when I want to "tap out"!

WARMUP
-------------
5 MIN ELLIPTICAL
STRETCH

WORKOUT
-----------------
50 THRUSTERS (45 LB BAR)
JUMPING BURPEES BACK AND FORTH ACROSS WEIGHT ROOM
400 M RUN
REPEAT FOR 3 ROUNDS...FOR TIME (32:31)

NO CARDIO

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Day 211...hOpE...

"There is no medicine like hope, no incentives so great, and no tonics so powerful as the expectation of something better tomorrow." -Orison Swett Marden

I'm still reeling from yesterday's events. I'm exhausted...My eyes are swollen from crying so much...and I feel uncertain. Sometimes things happen in our lives that we thought would never happen. Those times force us to face uncomfortable possibilities. Those times compel us to make decisions that we don't want to make. Those times can knock us on our butts if we let them. I can wallow in anger in sadness...or I can choose to have hope. I'm experienced in anger and sadness...maybe this time...I'll try hope.

SUNDAY = REST DAY

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Day 210...i'M soRRy...

After being on the phone with me sitting in the park crying...my sister told me that she better not see a post today where I say I'm a loser or pitiful or pathetic...but I have always been true to my feelings here. Some days...I put on a happy face...even when I am crying inside. Here...in this blog...I say how I really feel. So, sorry S...but I DO feel like a loser. I feel like a terrible client and a shitty person. I really wanted to do well today. I understood intellectually what I should do, but try as I might...I couldn't deliver what J wanted. He wasn't mean. He didn't do anything wrong. It was all me and my inability to perform. Something happened this morning that hurt my feelings...made me feel unimportant...used. I tried to put it away, but it was tearing at my heart. As I struggled to workout, I became more and more tired...more and more discouraged...my emotions were so close to the surface. When J told me to do the last dip over again, I thought I would lose it and cry...but I worked hard to stuff it down...which made me come across angry. I didn't want to fall apart and make him uncomfortable. Then, something else happened that made me feel even worse. It embarrassed me and hurt me. Next thing I knew, I was sitting on a bench in the park on the trail where W and I used to run...crying...alone...like a lunatic. I'm just so sorry...sorry that I'm not what...I want to be...what people need. Today was really bad.

WARMUP
-----------
5 MIN ELLIPTICAL

WORKOUT
-------------
15, 10, 5

50 BALL SLAMS
ROPE PULLS
RING DIPS (FEET PROPPED ON BOX)

CARDIO
-----------
A LONG RUN ON THE TRAIL

Friday, April 11, 2008

Day 209...a cozy bed and a deadline...

I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I was having one of those days when I wake up and my bed feels so incredibly comfortable...more so than normal...the sheets felt so good against my skin...the temperature was perfect...and my pillow was especially soft. I reluctantly got up and hurried to get ready so that I could go straight to the gym after I dropped the kids off. I needed to get out of the gym as soon as I was done with J, because W is in town and we were meeting for lunch.

We started out with J trying to get me to do "L sit" holds... not good when one is as inflexible as me. I floundered and J finally gave up and we moved on. Before we started, J was coaching me on my squatting form...after we moved on to the actual workout. It was good. I didn't think I had done that heavy of a back squat before, but W corrected me at lunch and reminded me that...indeed I HAVE done 95 LB back squats before. He also reminded me that I whined a bit when doing them. Woops!

J was much more "coachy" today. He was really focused on form...which is always a good thing. I was shocked when he told me to do overhead lunges...I don't think he's told me to do a single lunge since I've known him. Lunges do a butt good! I'll really flip if he ever tells me to do a RDL. Overall, today was really good. My workout with J was good. My lunch with W was really good too. I have no complaints.

WARMUP/CARDIO
-----------------------------
40 MIN ELLIPTICAL

WORKOUT
----------------
15 TOWEL PULL UPS
15 BACK SQUAT (95LBs)
15 PUSHUPS
OVERHEAD LUNGE (DOWN & BACK)
REPEAT FOR 3 ROUNDS

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Day 208...tHiS aLL lOOks sTraNgeLy fAmiLiAr...

So...I'm still excited from my fun at the gym last night..and ready to "git r done" again today. I got to the gym...dragging my massive black "purse" with all the cute, shiny "jingle jangles" hanging off...making me like kind of like cat with a bell (you can hear me coming)...but that's not all...I had my ABMAT...my 12 LB Medicine Ball...my "pink" book...and my "GI-NORMOUS" bottle of water...the one I have dropped and spilled THREE TIMES randomly at the gym. As you can imagine...I'm not hard to miss, so people are watching me as I walk in...some think I'm nuts and some think I'm a diva with all my "gear". All the workers and trainers look at me like "Weren't you JUST here?!?"...Why YES...I was! It's weird to workout at night and then in the morning, because it all looks so strangely familiar...like I never left!

I felt good, but I am a little tired so I decided that I would make it quick today. The workout I chose had running at the end of each round. Also, I had an unusually long warmup on the elliptical, because I needed my box for box jumps and there was a Jazzercise class going on so I had to wait for them to get out and they still had about 10 minutes or so. My workout was great. It is so tiring to do box jumps after running. W is a master of torture! After I was done, I wasn't ruined...I knew I could do cardio no problem..but I felt like I had done enough...I was willing to stop and knew I could feel like I still worked hard. Also, my knees are just a little achy so I didn't want to press my luck and end up in the recliner with ice packs strapped to my knees and a bottle of Motrin. Today was really good...short...but good.

WARMUP
-------------
10 MIN ELLIPTICAL
5 MINUTES "WARMUP" STRETCHES

WORKOUT
-----------------
20 BOX JUMPS (22IN BOX)
20 BALL TOSS (12 LB MEDICINE BALL)
20 SITUPS (ABMAT)
20 PULLUPS (JUMPING)
20 PUSHUPS
20 OVERHEAD LUNGE
20 BALL SLAMS (12LB MEDICINE BALL)
RUN .25 MILES @ TOP SPEED (8.0 TREADMILL)
REPEAT FOR 3 ROUNDS

10 MINUTES STRETCHING

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Day 207...pArT tWo...I AM WOMAN!...

I AM WOMAN! HEAR ME ROAR! This afternoon, I felt unstoppable. I know there are women that are physically much stronger than I was today...but I had one of those "perfect" days where I feel like I can go go go...one of those days when I don't feel whiny...one of those days where I don't want it to end...one of those days that for a brief moment in time, I actually like myself.

J had a workout for me...and when he told me...I wasn't nervous. I KNEW I could do it. I don't know why...I just did. I felt strong from the first lift. I felt confident. I didn't want to wear gloves, because I cared more about feeling and gripping the weight than protecting my hands. It hurt and I didn't really care. I struggled through the KTEs, because of my "grip issues"...my hands just let go...but I felt good because there were three times when I did "one more" and I was hanging on with my fingers. I pushed and finished. When we were done...I wanted more.

J's next client...B...a strapping 18 yr old guy came for his session. J was giving me some suggestions of things I could do and then he asked me the question that made me happy...Do you wanna race B? Uhhhh...YES! I knew I would get my butt kicked, but I was pumped and ready. We decided what three "moves" we would do. We were sure about the first two...sumo deadlift highpulls and kettlebell swings. What else? I jumped in with SQUATS!!!! They were like "No. We're no good at squats...yada yada yada." I convinced them that while I am better at squats, they are stronger in the other exercises and it would give me a chance to try and catch up. They reluctantly agreed. We set up and...ready set go! This turned out to be a major leg burner! B was fast and strong from the get go. We were all pretty close the whole time, but in the end...I WON!!! HELLO! I am 20 years older than B. I am a girl...a mom of three! I must say I only beat him and J by SECONDS. Still, it felt great! I caught them with the squats. It was so fun...but not just because I won...because those guys pushed me without knowing it. I respect their strength so I gave it my all.

My second "shift" of working out was awesome! I swear I have workout bipolar disease. I'm up. I'm down. I'm proud. I beat myself up. I worry that people will think I'm crazy. Okay...maybe I am a little..but when it comes to working out...I'm not crazy...I'm committed...committed to ALWAYS doing my best. ROAR!

WARMUP
-----------
3 MIN JUMP ROPE
STRETCHES..ARM CIRCLES...ETC

WORKOUT
---------------
50 DEADLIFTS (95LBS)
50 RING ROWS
50 KNEES TO ELBOWS
50 PUSH PRESS (45 LBS)

THEN..."THE RACE"...
50 SUMO DEADLIFT HIGHPULLS (45LBS)
50 KETTLEBELL SWINGS (25LBS)
50 "AIR" SQUATS

Day 207...pArT oNe...SpLiT sHiFt...

PART ONE...
Today is gonna be a little bit like working a split shift. I'm going to do in two separate workouts, what I would normally do in one. This week's schedule is a little off with J being out of town Monday and some other stuff, so we are going to workout this afternoon instead of Friday. It's not a big deal...I just have stuff to do at night so I can't spend the extra time doing cardio then...and anyone who knows me, knows I NEVER skip cardio. Plus, I like to take my time and give my workout as much time as it takes. I hate feeling rushed, so it's better to break it up and do cardio in the morning and then I'll have all the time I need later on. I will do the same thing for my post today...I'll split it up into two parts.

I decided that I would run intervals for my cardio. I checked with J first to make sure that there is no running in my workout tonight. He said no, so I took off for the treadmill. I haven't done true intervals since I've come back from my time off. The one or two times I've semi done them, I've done shortened running and longer walking/recovery. I've also been a little slower. I'm still not back up to my "normal" fast speed of 8.5 on the treadmill, but I'm getting closer. It was like running a marathon at times. Some of the running parts were just miserable and when it was especially hard...I had to imagine that I had made it to the top of a hill and tell myself that I only have 30 more seconds...that I'm going downhill. When that didn't work, I reverted to memories.

There are a few vivid memories that I use to help me when I am alone and struggling. I think about being on the Airdyne at "the COMPOUND" in August...hot...tired...sweaty like I had never been before...or since for that matter. I can see W standing next to me...yelling over the top of the noisy fan and the rickety bike. "COME ON! I WANT 20 CALORIES! NO! KEEP GOING! YOU'RE ALMOST THERE!" I still have no idea how I survived that day. I literally fell off the bike at the end and layed speechless on the dirty concrete floor...gasping for air for several minutes. I remember "the TEST"...the one that we did twice. All I wanted was to beat Koy...and I did...but only because W wouldn't let me stop. I remember screaming as I ran the last lap around the building...everything hurt. The last memory is once...early on in our training relationship...when W had me get in the plank position. I had NEVER in my life done this. The first 30 seconds I thought, "I can do this no problem." then at 40 seconds...I started to shake...it only got worse. It felt like all my muscles were firing at the same time. All I wanted was to stop. I still remember W...down on his hands and knees...right by my head with his freakin stopwatch...pushing me. "COME ON! DON'T YOU STOP! GET YOUR BUTT DOWN! TIGHTEN YOUR CORE! DON'T YOU STOP! YOU CAN DO THIS!" He had me in that position for 2 minutes. I've never held it that long since. The pain takes over and I weiny out. I've always known that a big part of my success those days were because of him.

I remembered those times and thought of his words and I made it through EVERY running interval! It was such a relief at the end of that 45 minutes to step off of that treadmill. I did about ten minutes of holds and stretches in the back room afterwards. It was tough...but it was a good cardio day. Let's just hope it doesn't affect my performance tonight. Until then...

CARDIO
----------
45 MIN INTERVALS (3 MIN WALK 3.9/3 MIN RUN 7.9-REPEAT)
10 MIN STRETCH

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Day 206...cHaLLenGes...

Today was challenging...for more than one reason. I'm struggling with my self image. It's truly a challenge for me to see myself as others do. I feel sad and frustrated. I'm disappointed with myself, because I know that my perception is distorted. I KNOW...this talk has gotten so tired! So...aside from my neurotic shenanigans...today's workout was a definite challenge as well. J is back from the CF cert and he is excited to teach this "old dog" some new tricks! I was nervous...not that I couldn't "do it"...but nervous that I wouldn't feel like I worked out long enough. THESE are the thoughts that get me into trouble. I'm always proven wrong!

J started out by teaching me how to do a correct hang-clean-squat with my 20 LB medicine ball. Then he coached and coached and coached me to try and help me get it "right". He was good. He was persistent, but he never showed outward signs of getting mad or frustrated with me...and I can be SO ANNOYING when someone is trying to teach me something. I ask jillions of questions and I get a smart mouth, because I feel dumb when I perceive failure. I was impressed. He didn't let up, but he also stayed calm. I eventually got it. I'm nowhere near perfect...I'll have to practice at home...but I started to learn how it's supposed to feel. W taught me the importance of "feeling" the exercise when done correctly. I still distinctly remember the day...early on in my training with W...when he said, "Concentrate on the muscles that is lifting the weight, rather than just moving the weight." FEELING makes a BIG difference.

After "class" was out, we went in another room to workout. It was so hot in there and the workout was BRUTAL. The hang-clean-squats were not as bad as the burpees. J learned the "correct" even more HELLACIOUS way that CF says to do burpees. My legs were burning. J was great. He kept me going and he did the burpees with me. That 20 LB medicine ball is a B*&@H! I can't even imagine what people were thinking when I was grunting and yelling in there. My face was bright red...I was covered in sweat...my stomach was churning...and my head was splitting when I was done. As usual...the sick part..was that I LOVED it! I hated being miserable for a good 30 minutes afterwards, but I love being pushed. My only regret...I wish I would've dug a little deeper...gone a little faster. I feel like I gave it all I had. I hope next time...I have more in the tank.

CARDIO
---------
30 MIN ELLIPTICAL

WORKOUT
------------
10 HANG-CLEAN-SQUATS (20 LB MEDICINE BALL)
10 BURPEES
REPEAT FOR 10 ROUNDS (20 MINUTES?)

Monday, April 7, 2008

Day 205...a qUicKie...

J isn't back in town, so I was all set to go to the gym and do a workout that he sent me over the weekend. I knew it wouldn't take me long...but I figured that I would just do a few extra things and do long cardio. No such luck. I promised my 3rd grader that I would have lunch with her today, so I knew that I had to leave the gym no later than 10:40 in order to buy her food and get to the school by 11. I should've gotten ready and gone to the gym as soon as I dropped the kids off, but I didn't wake up til 7 and so I was rushing around and was lucky to put some crazy outfit together to drive them to school in. I ended up checking and answering e-mails...getting online...yada yada yada. Next thing I knew it was after 9. Now I'm gonna have to be QUICK! I got to the gym, warmed up, and did J's workout. Then, I had just enough time to do exactly 30 minutes of cardio, before running out sweaty to grab lunch and show up at the school in workout clothes. I made it just on time. I hate working out for such a short time...under an hour is record short for me...but I was able to get a workout in AND enjoy my princess. I really can't complain.

WARMUP
----------
5 MIN ELLIPTICAL/STRETCH

WORKOUT
-------------
25 DIPS
25 SQUATS
25 JUMPING PULLUPS
25 LUNGES
3 ROUNDS FOR TIME - 13 MIN 11 SEC

CARDIO
----------
30 MIN ELLIPTICAL

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Day 204...WHAT was I thinking?!?...

I am a "night owl". If I had my way, I'd stay up til 2AM and sleep until 11AM...that is what I did for years in college and as a "newlywed". That all ended 12 years ago when I had my first child. I'm still NOT a morning person. I still stay up late. I NEVER get to sleep in. I feel like I'm sleeping in if I wake up at 7:30 or 8AM. Today my eyes opened and the clock said 10:15AM! What?!? That's crazy! What happened?!? Then the haze started to lift and it became clear. When I turned over...it hurt. My shoulders are in a constant state of aching. My butt is KILLING me. My wrists are sore. Most everything hurts. My body is exhausted.

My thought upon stumbling to the kitchen for the breakfast that my husband cooked was..."WHAT WAS I THINKING YESTERDAY?!?" Am I insane? Why do I do this to myself? I know the answers. I was thinking it wouldn't be so bad. I KNEW I could do it. YES...I am crazy. I do this because I WANT to love what I see...and I still don't. I do this because I'm afraid of being fat again. I do this...because as bad as it hurts...as sore as I am...as crappy as I feel...I am stronger body AND soul because of it. If I had to make the choice again...I wouldn't change a thing.

SUNDAY = REST DAY (Halleluiah!)

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Day 203...neVeReNdiNg...

I felt strong...ready to "suffer". I work hardest on Saturdays. I go to the gym knowing that I will be there...for a LONG time. I chose another one of W's workouts. The one I chose is deceptive. It seems basic and average...but if it is done with intensity...the intensity that it is worthy of...it is exceptional and brutal. I knew that...but I wanted more...so I changed it up a bit and added a little more.

I thought that I would never be done. I struggled from the start to the finish. I did well, but I was relieved when it was over. I was exhausted after over an hour of almost nonstop working out...and knowing that I still had cardio to do was a little daunting.

I've learned over the past couple of years that the anguish of quitting when it is hard...of giving up when it painful...is far worse than the pain of persistence when it seems that it will never end. At times today, I thought, "I could do less reps and no one would know"...but I immediately dismissed the thought, because I knew that that would never work...I would know and I would feel regret. It felt like a never ending day at the gym...but like everything in life...I persevered and it eventually ended.

WARMUP
-----------
5 MIN ELLIPTICAL

WORKOUT
--------------
SHOULDER PRESS (15LB DBs)
BICEP CURLS (ALTERNATING-15 LB DBs)
TRICEP PRESS (20 LBS)
PUSHUPS
SEATED ROWS (60 LBS)
LEG EXTENSIONS (50 LBS)
ROMANIAN DEADLIFTS (65 LBS)
21, 18. 15.12. 9 (75 TOTAL)

AT THE END OF EACH ROUND, BEFORE STARTING OVER I DID THESE 2 EXERCISES:
OVERHEAD LUNGES (BACK & FORTH-APPROX 30)
15 STAR JUMPS

CARDIO
----------
30 MIN ELLIPTICAL

Friday, April 4, 2008

Day 202...mY sEcuRiTy bLaNkEt...

So, I said that I was going to come up with my OWN workouts for the next couple of days while J is gone. I said that I was excited to "see what I could do without my boys"...and THEN...I found myself walking into the gym with the book that W made me. It has been very loved and it's obvious when you look closely at it. I realized today that my relationship with my book is a bit like Linus and his blanket. It is MY "security blanket". I love it, because my friend spent many hours making it for me...it reminds me of him...but it also makes me feel safe in some strange way.

I chose one of my favorites. IF it was a Crossfit WOD...I would want it to be called "Marsha". I set up my little circuit area...and warmed up. There was a class going on in the room where I normally "set up", so I had to set up in the corner of the "free weights" room. I knew I would get stares. First, I was the ONLY girl in there...second, those boys have a one track mind. They lift heavy, grunt, and admire themselves in the mirrors. So I'm slamming the ball which always makes me look like a violent psycho beeyotch and I'm swinging my KB and doing box jumps and burpees etc...at a frantic pace because I'm timing myself. I had a goal. Last time I spent 35 minutes on this one. I didn't care if it took me 34 min and 58 sec...I just wanted to beat my previous time. I did. Yea me! So back to the boys...they were staring which I actually appreciate because it puts alot of pressure on me to perform.

One guy...I'll call him "water fountain guy" or WFG for short...because once he made some comment to me at the water fountain...he was paying attention to everything I was doing. I'm on my last round..all I have left is 20 burpees and a quarter mile run when he moves in. He asked if I would "help" him. I was dazed and hurting and glad to stop the clock for a minute...so I agreed. He wanted me to lay a 45LB plate on his lap while he did tricep dips and wait to take it off when he was done. Of course, he took the opportunity to chat. My mind was on one thing and one thing only...FINISHING! As soon as he was done I broke off the chit chat and went right into burpees. After burpees, I did my last run and came back to my little "area" to lay on the floor and recuperate. All of the sudden, I take my towel off my face and he's standing over me with a big white grin and bulging muscles. Then he said, "Well if you're just gonna lay there...do you mind helping me out just one more time?" (smile-wink). I did and I now know that he's driving to Wichita today...he was in Cancun for the past week and did nothing but drink for 5 days...he has a boat...etc. He pulled out all the stops. He even complimented the fact that I was "hittin it hard over there!"...I'll take that! I don't think he was really flirting...he's a late 20's beefy "cool" guy with big white teeth and tan muscles...what would he want with my tired old butt?...really! He probably just wanted to talk about himself and I was the only one left in the room. HA! Well, it was a nice break...I figured I'd be bored and lonely without J...I hate the silence of working out alone...WFG broke the silence..that's for sure.

My booty was on fire when I left today...maybe because I haven't done weighted squats in forever...dunno...and I certainly got my wish...my abs are pretty darn sore, especially my obliques oddly enough. I worked really hard. I'm so glad that W made that book for me. It really is one of the most thoughtful gifts I've been given...ever...it ranks out right below my music box that I got for my second wedding anniversary (my most favorite sentimental gift that sits on my desk). It's always nice to have that book as a backup...as my security blanket...when I'm unsure...or too lazy to think about what I will do.

WARMUP
----------
5 MIN ELLIPTICAL AND STRETCHING

WORKOUT
-------------
20 MEDICINE BALL SLAMS (12 LBs)
20 KB SWINGS (35 LBs)
20 BOX JUMPS (22 IN)
20 PUSH PRESS (RXed=2/20LB DBs...I USED THE 45LB BAR SO I COULD GO RIGHT INTO MY SQUATS)
20 BACK SQUATS (45LB BAR)
20 BURPEES (WITH A GOOD LOW PUSHUP AND A JUMP AT THE END)
RUN .25 MILES
3 ROUNDS-TIME=33:52

CARDIO
----------
20 MIN ON RECUMBENT BIKE (MEDIUM RESISTANCE...2 MIN REG SPEED/ 30 SEC AS FAST AS POSSIBLE...REPEAT)
10 MIN TREADMILL WALK (MY GLUTES WERE CRYING SO I HAD TO SWITCH)
STRETCH

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Day 201...aBs...AbS...aNd mORe ABs...

Oh how I want me some HOT abs! There's just a couple of problems. I HATE ab exercises and I don't eat for good abs. So, I'll probably never have the abs I want, but I know mine can look a lot better...and definitely more defined. When I used to use my "pink" book that W made me...every week had a 5K/ABS day. I've kind of gotten out of that habit, so today, I decided to work my abs.

I started with LONG cardio. I walked on the treadmill for an hour. I didn't walk especially fast. I was more interested in steady fat burning then in cardio endurance or speed. When I got done, I moved on to the dreaded ab work. My body is sore...especially my shoulders. That became even more apparent when I went to do "froggies" on the bench. I went to lean back and grab both sides of the bench and it was so painful to put my shoulders back like that. I almost couldn't do it, but I did.

I wanted to do some bridges/planks but I forgot my watch. It's too hard to try and hold a position, concentrate, and look up at a clock to keep time. Luckily, F was very nice and offered to let me borrow his watch that has a stopwatch. Well, that took any excuse I had away...so I took it and went to work. I did pretty good on those. I was shaking like crazy at times...trying to hold my "position"...until I hit the minute mark. I haven't really done any ab work to speak of so it was a challenge. I worked really hard...so I REALLY hope my abs are sore tomorrow!!!

CARDIO
----------
1 HR MED PACE WALKING

THEN ABS:
30 FROGGIES
20 INCLINE SITUPS WITHA MEDICINE BALL PRESS AT TOP (10 LB BALL)
1 MIN PLANK/BRIDGE POSITION
1 MIN SIDE BRIDE (30 SEC EA SIDE)
1 MIN FLUTTER KICKS
REPEAT FOR 3 SETS

STRETCH

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Day 201...WHOA!...

I went in with dread today. I'm not proud of my attitude or performance yesterday. The one thing that I AM proud of...is that when I was depressed last night...I made a batch of sugar cookie dough with the intention of baking and eating ALL of it. I just needed "comfort" and warm sugar cookies and cold milk sounded like some comfort to me. I snapped out of it luckily and realized that doing that is the worst possible solution, so I turned off the preheated oven and washed ALL the dough down the sink. It felt good to be in control...of something.

This morning my body was begging for rest, but J is leaving out of town so today was the last day I had left. He worked out with me which surprised me. I know that I haven't been "good enough" to workout with since I came back. I don't know if he really wanted to workout with me, or if he was planning to let me "win"...whichever way...it was fun to workout together again. We got our stuff and did the first part of our workout. Whoa! It was hard...stressful. I haven't used my 35LB kettlebell since I've been "back". It was heavier than I remember. The box jumps were hard for me. I almost felt like my quads are so tired that I wasn't going to make it up each time and it was really painful standing up on top. I finished before J. I think he LET me beat him. I'd much rather like to think I did on my own, but I think he took pity on me. After we got off the floor from recovering...we went to the next round...20 minutes of burpees and pullups. Is he freakin crazy?!? Actually it was fun...neverending and tiring...but still fun.
I feel better than I did yesterday. I still feel a little sad, but I'm moving on. I think I'm just really fatigued. J has worked me with alot of weight this week. I'm kind of excited to come up with workouts on my own for the next couple of days. I want to see what I can do without my "boys".

WARMUP
-----------
5 MIN ELLIPTICAL
STRETCHING

WORKOUT
--------------
25 SDHP (45LB BAR)
25 BOX JUMPS (22IN)
25 KB SWINGS (35LB)
25 ARM STEP UPS
25 THRUSTERS (45LB BAR)
TIME 6:36

THEN:
20 MINUTES OF BURPEES (W/PUSHUP)/PULLUPS

CARDIO
----------
45 MIN ELLIPTICAL
STRETCH


TODAY'S "POWER" SONGS:
"I LIKE IT, I LOVE IT"- Lyrics Born
"CALLIN OUT"- Lyrics Born
"HOTT 2 DEFF"- Lyrics Born
"CUTE WITHOUT THE 'E' (CUT FROM THE TEAM)-"Taking Back Sunday" (good tip from J)
"MAKEDAMNSURE"-"Taking Back Sunday"

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Day 200...jUsT dOn'T sAy aNytHiNg eLSe!...

Sometimes things don't go like we want them to. I think I strained my groin on my little run yesterday, so I decided to skip cardio today and rest it. I did plan on working out though because it's not hurting too bad today. J had an interview so we agreed to meet at 2:30 in the afternoon. I don't know why, but I just don't do as well in the afternoon. I was in a good mood...happy to be there...ready to bust my butt...but as the sayin goes..."the best laid plans of mice and men often go astray." and today did not go as I had planned. The deadlifts were killing me. I couldn't do dips the way J wanted. I sucked at bench pressing..etc...etc...etc. I could tell J was disappointed. Why wouldn't he be?!? I did my whole "laugh so you don't cry" bit...HATING myself all the while. I feel SO bad about myself right now and my lower back is killing me! I could go on and on with this negative bull crap...but I'm going to opt for something different. I'm just going to shut up and not say anything else!

WORKOUT
-----------
10 DEADLIFTS (115 LBS)
10 DIPS
10 SITUPS (W/ABMAT)
5 SETS (SUPPOSED TO BE 10, BUT I WAS TOO SLOW & PITIFUL...I WAS FRUSTRATED BUT VERY RELIEVED TO MOVE ON)

10 BENCH PRESS (55lbs???)
20 SITUPS (W/ABMAT)
5 SETS

NO CARDIO/RESTING B/C OF MY "GROIN ISSUES"