Thursday, February 28, 2008

Day 167...oNlY iN mY dAyDrEaMs...

I'm feeling a bit obsessive...not that unusual for me...that's how I am in most aspects of my life...it's full throttle all the time or not budging an inch. Today, however, I feel like a workout stalker. All I want to do is watch Crossfit videos...look at the Gym Jones site...read workout blogs...etc. I can't workout myself so I think about it...immerse myself in it. I daydream about medicine balls and running trails and using my new plyo boxes. I'm reading a great book right now, but I put it down throughout the day to read bits and pieces of a book by Mark Twight called "Extreme Alpinism - Climbing Light, Fast, and High". I even use an orange highlighter to highlight any quotes or passages that I really like. How weird is that?!?

I am not a mountain climber and really have no desire to climb, but there are interesting training tips and tools that can cross over into other athletic endeavors. More importantly, I just love to read MT's rantings and philosophies. He may seem elitist to some, but I say...when you are one of those athletes that has worked to become one of "the elite"...who has sacrificed for it...and almost died for it like he has...you have earned the RIGHT to say what you want. My opinion is that it's not really cocky if you can back it up with action. Mark Twight doesn't just "talk the talk"...he "walks the walk". One of the lines I highlighted yesterday says, " In every endeavor, people who concentrate and refuse to quit become the elite." Now, those are some words of inspiration!

So, I can't lift a weight, or run 3 miles, or swing a sledgehammer, or slam a medicine ball, or flip a tire...but I CAN dream about it and that's what I will continue to do until I'm back at it myself!

16TH DAY OFF

Monday, February 25, 2008

Day 164...cOmFOrt In mY insAniTy...

I stole my title for today's post from the kind words of a good friend. It is interesting because this same friend inspired and encouraged me to start "blogging" in the first place. Today I was excited to learn that he has started his own "training" blog. I look forward to the motivation and comfort that I know I will find in his words.

In the beginning, this blog was intended to be a training log...a diary of sorts...the place that I write about what I'm doing to improve myself through exercise and how I feel during and after my workouts. When the title was chosen, I was referring to the physical pain and the mental anguish that I sometimes suffer in my quest to be better than I was the day before. Almost two weeks ago, I began my mandatory "workout hiatus" while I recover from surgery. I thought that when I stopped working out, I would stop writing as well. I haven't written everyday like I usually do, but I still feel inspired to write about my "pain".

I have found that even if no one else ever reads this blog, it is worth the time and reflection that it takes me to write each entry. It comforts me in some strange way to purge...to express my fears...my worries...my frustrations...while I am not allowed do what I love to do...what I feel like I need to do. It helps me see the "light at the end of the tunnel" as I journal my baby steps toward recovery. These days, I truly feel like I experience moments of insanity, but I am thankful for the opportunity that I will have to read my friend's words and to express myself as I write. These are the things that help me find comfort in my insanity.

13TH DAY OFF

Friday, February 22, 2008

Day 161...i miss it...

I miss worrying that I will be late to meet my trainer...everyday that we are supposed to meet. I miss the fear that I feel before an especially challenging workout. I miss the feeling of my body trembling...trying to hang on for 10 more seconds. I miss falling to floor...losing my strength...because my trainer is making me laugh. I miss the frustration and defeat...the days I am humbled...the days that make me better next time. I miss the excitement of going faster or longer or harder than I thought I could go. I miss the feeling of accomplishment. I miss limping to my car...slowly...with nothing left...knowing I gave it all I had. I miss the relaxation of a long stretch after a brutal workout. I miss being drenched in sweat...of seeing an outward sign of how hard I really worked. I miss those great runs...the ones where I feel like I could run forever and never get tired. I miss the comfort of knowing that someone is waiting for me. I miss the feeling of complete control...the ability to "live in the pain"...to appreciate and use it to propel me further.

Today...I really miss working out.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"What you know does not matter - what you do matters. Physical training produces physical memories - not simply muscle memory but a psychophysical imprint, knowledge that is instinctual rather than intellectual."
----------------MARK TWIGHT-"GYM JONES" website---------------------


10TH DAY OFF

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Day 159...bOrEd and lOnEly...

I'm feeling alot better...and consequently I'm in MUCH better spirits. I'm NOT depressed or crying...but...I AM bored and lonely. I've read 2 books, napped, watched tons of movies and T.V., and surfed the internet endlessly. I'm not usually a person that NEEDS to be around a bunch of people all the time...I like my "alone" time...but I am lonely...really lonely. I want to call my friends, but I worry that I will have nothing to say...so I don't. I'm hoping that my swelling will continue to go down and I will continue to improve so that I can start to get out again...and occupy the land of the living!

8TH DAY OFF
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
POSTSCRIPT (2PM) :
Well, as always...right when I was feeling especially lonely...right when I needed it...my friend, W, called and we talked for almost an hour. It was fun. Then, J texted and made me laugh...okay okay!...so I'm not totally alone! It just seemed that way this morning. I just feel like I do so much "whining" these days, that I should take the time to share the good moments too. Yea!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Day 157...it's not easy bein green...

I always feel like an escaped mental patient after surgery. I'm up...then I'm down. I'm thankful...I'm an ingrate. I never know what each day will bring. There is almost always pain in the beginning. I just don't know what variety it will be. Will it be physical?...or emotional?...or the worst kind?...both.

Physically...I feel fragile and VERY nauseous today. I refer to it as "being green". I've shed more than a few tears. When I'm "up", I'm stooped and hurting. When I'm in bed, my bones hurt. I'm in a soft bed with pillows surrounding me like a cocoon, but still my body feels heavy...like it is digging in to the mattress.

Mentally...I feel trapped...trapped in a body that I normally exercise control over. Now...it hurts and betrays me. I feel like I am in slow motion and the world around me is moving in fast forward.

Today the pain is the worst kind.

"There is no greater grief than to remember days of joy when misery is at hand." -Dante Alighieri, "Inferno"

6TH DAY OFF

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Day 156...IT'S THE little THINGS...

"We do not care of what we have, but we cry when it is lost."
---------------------------- Russian proverb---------------------------


There are things that we all do everyday. They are the most basic skills...the ones we all learn as children. They do not require thought. We get up...we walk around...we brush our teeth...put on shoes. These things are...automatic in a sense. We hardly remember doing them at the end of the day...at least I don't...and I certainly never think of these things when I stop to "count my blessings"...at least I didn't before now.

I take pride in the fact that I can take care of myself...that I am strong. It's hard for me to let other people help me. It's almost embarrassing. Over the last few days, I have HAD to rely on other people to do the simplest of tasks. After surgery, I was drugged, weak, and in pain...limited as to what I could do. I've needed help to get up...to go to the bathroom...to walk...to eat and drink...to get dressed...all those everyday, easy, automatic things I normally do everyday...on my own.

These last few days have been hard for me, but this experience...as unpleasant as it has been at times...has made me stop and appreciate the little everyday things. I know that in time...as I grow stronger and become independent once again...I will probably forget. But for today...I will take a moment to stop and appreciate the little things.

5TH DAY OFF

Friday, February 15, 2008

Day 154...alive and well...sorta...i think...



So, I survived surgery and I feel a little more awake and alive today...at least until the next round of pain meds. I looked at a few of the e-mails and text messages that I sent yesterday and I laughed. It was the typing equivalent of slurred speech. I'm sure it gave the people I love a good laugh.

I'm not EVEN missing working out yet because I am hurting so bad. I feel like I've just been in a gang fight where I was repeatedly punched in the ribs and then stabbed in the belly...several times. My doc told me yesterday that he ended up doing a little more than he had originally planned, which makes some of the "extra" pain make sense. So far...it looks like the surgery was a success, but only time will tell for sure.

For now..I am taking life on just 3 to 4 hours at a time...which is how long I go between taking my pain medicine.

3RD DAY OFF

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Day 152...tHe fIrSt dAy oF My jOuRneY...


Well, today is the day. In a little less than 2 and a half hours, I'll be laying in a bed waiting for surgery. It's the first day of my recovery...of my journey. There's a quote that says, "We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.". That's what I will try to do. I'll try to let go of the fear and embrace the pain...embrace the possibility of something better...and keep going one day at a time.

1ST DAY OFF

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Day 151...a HAPPY ending...

My emotions have gone from one extreme to the other. I've been up and down and all around. I'm just so glad that after everything I've felt...today was happy.

I came to the gym feeling calm and resolved. I didn't want my last time there for a while to be emotional or sad. I wanted to leave on a high note...happy. J had some good circuits both inside and out, and we had fun. Today felt...easy...not easy as in a difficulty of exercise level...but easy as in relaxed. I felt slow and tired and not so strong, but I still loved it.

So, it's sad to think that I won't be in the gym for at least 3 weeks...sad to think that it will be quite a bit longer before I can workout at "full speed"...sad to think that I won't see or talk to the people at the gym, especially J, my trainer. On the other hand, I am finally on the road. The day has finally come and I don't have to anticipate any longer. Today I got the "happy ending" that I was hoping for.

WORKOUT
-------------
15-10 of
Thrusters 45lb
Pull ups
Kb Swing 35lb
Time 4:34

25 Wall Ball 12lb
25 Sledge hits
10 Tire flips
25 KB swing 35lb
3 Rounds

10 Box jumps 22in
10 Pull ups
10 Ring push ups
3 Rounds

CARDIO
----------
15 min uphill, fast walking on treadmill
15 minute recumbent bike
20 min elliptical

Monday, February 11, 2008

Day 150...I did it!...We did it!...

Okay, so I was nervous about today's workout. I've been so bummed about having to take time off from working out and so scared about the outcome of my upcoming surgery that I've had a hard time focusing. My trainer encouraged me to "come happy and motivated". So as hard as it was...I decided that that was what I would do...and I did.

I got to the gym and one of the other trainers, R, informed me that he was taking my body fat...my heart sank. I was afraid that if I measured high, I would go to pieces. I tried to just smile my way through, but I was freaked out that J and R would think that I am fat when it was time to pinch my belly fat. I was dying on the inside, but I remained calm. Then they came over and told me my number. 13.3% !!!!! What?!? I didn't even barely react because I was so shocked. Plus, I was thinking that it's a bittersweet accomplishment because I've worked so hard for so long to get back down to this number...and now...I'm taking off...again. My sister reminded me that I shouldn't be worried, but that I should be happy to know that I can always get what I lose back. Ahhh, there's that "glass half full" thing again.

We went to the back room to workout and J says, "Okay, do the rope."...so I went and assumed the "position" (sitting on the floor, ready to pull myself to my feet). J says, "No. Climb the rope." Now, I was freaking out internally again. I'm thinking...why is he doing this?...he knows I can't get up that rope...but I had promised myself that I wasn't going to be depressed or difficult today...remember "happy and motivated". So, I went over hoping for the best and expecting the worst. I grabbed the rope...took a deep breath...and then...I did it! I didn't ring the bell on the ceiling, but I got to the top knot...THREE TIMES!!! Yea me!...for finally doing it. Yea J!...for not giving up on me. The workout that followed was really hard, but it was really fun. J got me good. My arms were KILLING me when we were done. I was so tired...in a good way.

Today was so much better than I thought it would be. I sweat and I struggled. I worried and I had fun. I didn't fail like I thought I would. I was successful...more than once. I was successful because I work hard. I was successful because I tried when I didn't want to. I was successful because J didn't give up on me. He MADE me keep doing it...even though I failed...and he didn't stop until I was successful. We are a team. Today, my success was his success too. And, THAT my friends is why I NEED a trainer.

Today recharged me. Today gave me hope. Today made me happy.

WORKOUT
--------------
Rope climb
Drive H20 man back and forth
30 Dead lifts 65lb
20 "8 counts"
40 Bicep curls 30lb
20 Sit up w/15lb press
40 Close grip tricep press 40lb
Elliptical 1-2-1

3 ROUNDS

CARDIO
------------
25 min Elliptical (cross trainer prog/resistance-12)

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Day 149...you gotta have faith...

I'm a perfectionist. I like things exact. I like to be prepared. I like to know the outcome before I do something...anything. I'm not patient and I don't like to wait. I don't believe everything I'm told. All of these qualities make faith a difficult concept for me at times.

On a spiritual level...for example, my belief in Jesus...faith comes pretty easy. It's the day to day decisions and trials that I face...that is where I struggle...to believe that there is a greater purpose...that it will all work out.

I'm having surgery in exactly 2 days and 17 hours. I want to feel better...whole. I want to put this all behind me. I don't want to go through the pain of recovery...or worry about the uncertainty of the end result. I don't want to lay around...doing nothing...wishing I could workout. I know my doctor is a great doctor. I know my husband and family will take care of me. I know there are far worse trials that I could be facing...but I am scared...really scared...and my faith is in short supply.

It's so easy to tell other people what to do...how to react, but when it is YOU...yourself...it's a whole different thing. I would tell a friend that she were making the right choice...that it will be a good thing in the end. I would tell her not to worry...that it will be okay, but I can't seem to find a way to convince myself.

Now is the time for strength...mental strength. Now is the time to hold on...to keep pressing...to dig deep. Now is the time for faith.

SUNDAY = REST DAY
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"ANYONE CAN GIVE UP, IT'S THE EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD TO DO. BUT TO HOLD IT TOGETHER WHEN EVERYONE ELSE WOULD UNDERSTAND IF YOU FELL APART, THAT'S TRUE STRENGTH."

--------------------------------------------------------------Anonymous

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Days 147 & 148...an uNeXPeCteD end...






I went to a MAVERICKS basketball game last night, so I didn't get the time to post anything yesterday. I decided that I would just put both days together...today.





Day 147...Friday
-----------------------

I was worried about working out because I was so sore. J had said we were working out together, so I didn't know if I could keep up with him because my hip was hurting so bad. I got there 5 minutes late and hurried in to "warm up"...rushing and stressed out. I was worried that I would mess up his schedule being late, but he ended up being 20 minutes late himself, so it didn't matter. He was in alot of pain with his foot so he did not workout, but he led me through a circuit. It was mostly upper body, so I was just fine. I was not in pain which was a relief. All in all, it wasn't the most exciting day of my life, but it was good.

WORKOUT
------------
CIRCUIT
20 single arm kb swings 12 kg
20 push press 65lb
20 inverted rows
30 back ext 10lb
25 leg lifts
25 wall ball shots 12lb
3 ROUNDS

CARDIO
-----------
60 MIN WEIGHT LOSS INTERVALS ON ELLIPTICAL

STRETCH

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DAY 148...Today
-----------------------

I came in excited to workout. Saturdays are usually really fun. J had me do a circuit inside and flip the tire outside. It went pretty well...but it felt...different. I didn't leave on my usual Saturday "high"...so it was a little...unexpected.

Emotionally...I'm pretty tired and pretty fragile and sensitive. This upcoming surgery is having a big effect on me. I try to keep smiling and moving forward...I try to laugh when I want to cry...but it is alot of work to act like everything is great...especially when it's for the benefit of others. I'm always there to pick up the pieces and listen when everyone else is hurting or needs help, but I never feel like I am worthy of the same. I feel like a burden. I'm proud that I am strong, but sometimes it's hard and lonely.

I'm going out tonight with my best friend...my little sister. SHE is always there and she is always gentle with my heart. I am so lucky to have her. I hope that it will lift my spirits...I'm sure it will.

This was my last FULL week to workout before I take off. It started big and ended a little differently than I had thought it would. I hope Monday and Tuesday go well next week. I'm nervous because my emotions will only get more fragile the closer I get to Wednesday. I want to "go out" happy next week. I guess time will tell.

WORKOUT
------------
CIRCUITS
push water man down and back
Thrusters 45lb BB 1st round 1min/2nd round 25
25Froggies 1st round/ star jumps 2nd round
3 Rope Pulls

move outside
12 tire flips/20 jumps/12 tire flips

move inside
1min Single arm KB swing 12kg/ 2nd round 20
Leg Lifts 1min/round 2- 25
Dead Lifts 1min/ 2nd round 20

2 ROUNDS (1st round=1min 2nd round = reps)

CARDIO
----------
30 MIN WEIGHT LOSS INTERVALS ON ELLIPTICAL

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Day 146.."OOPS! I did it again!"...

Today, I was only in the gym for about an hour and 20 minutes. That's very short for me. I was supposed to kinda take it easy today and be ready for two hard days. I got my workout that J sent me and went to the gym. As I looked over the list while I warmed up on the elliptical, I did it...again. I added more things to the list...extended my workout. I don't know why, but ever so often I do this crap. I lose my head and end up regretting it later...like I am now.

The workout still didn't take too long, but now...my hip is hurting pretty bad and so is my knee on the same side. I haven't been doing near as many lunges as I used to do, so I've lost my mind and done them two days in a row...BAD CHOICE. I know better than to do that. I haven't had knee pain in a long time, so it's really buggin me. The other nerve racking thing is my "good" hip is feeling a little..."funny" for the lack of a better word. It's not hurting like the other one, but it doesn't feel right either. Mentally, I'm SO dreading having to take time off from working out for surgery...but I'm sure my body desperately needs some recovery. I'm feeling a bit over trained...pretty much the state I keep myself in on a regular basis. So, I didn't make the best choice...but it WAS a good workout anyway.

WARMUP
------------
10 MIN ELLIPTICAL

WORKOUT
--------------
50 SQUATS
15 TRICEP PRESS (HEAVY)
15 BICEP CURLS (45# BAR ON 1ST 2 ROUNDS/35# ON LAST ROUND)
50 OVERHEAD LUNGES
50 FROGGIES ON BENCH
15 SHOULDER PRESS (15 LB DBs)
RUN .25 MILE AT TOP SPEED (8.6 TREADMILL)
REPEAT FOR A TOTAL OF 3 ROUNDS
TOTAL TIME = 38 MIN

CARDIO
----------
25 MIN RECUMBENT BIKE (LOW RESISTANCE-FLAT-FAST PACE)

STRETCH-5 MIN

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Day 145...breaking the "Frank rule"...

Okay, so I'm draggin today. My body said "NO!" to the gym, but my mind vetoed that vote. I slowly walked in feeling exhausted, but determined to do the best I could. Today's workout that J sent didn't look too bad. I told myself, "I can do this!".

I warmed up and completed the first circuit in the back room. Then, I moved out into the main gym area to do my 2nd circuit. I was trying to complete my "Knees to Elbows", and I heard another trainer tell his very overweight client that didn't look too excited to be there..."Hey, watch what she's doing!...then YOU can do that next!". Of course she's telling him he's crazy and they're laughing and I'm smiling thinking, "Great....no pressure...now I have to do this perfectly because this trainer is like a workout superhero!" My nickname for him is Mr. Perfect. Soooo, despite the fact that my hands were killing me from 30 rope pulls and now hanging on while I bring my knees up..I tried to make it look as effortless and impressive as possible. Then he leans over and says, "Excuse me."...and motions for me to take my headphones off...and continues to say, "You can't break the Frank rule!" and smiled. Of course the obvious question was, "What's the Frank rule?" He said, "The Frank rule is that nobody is allowed to workout more than me, I've been watching you and taking notes and you're coming pretty close! I've been impressed.". We both laughed...and he went back to training and I went back to KTEs.

So, at the risk of sounding like a 7th grade girl...and at the risk getting put on lock down by my husband ("love you honey!" xoxo)...honestly, I loved it. I felt a little giddy. It's not like I'm in love with the guy or ANYTHING of that nature...it's just that my ego has felt a little bruised lately. Sometimes...especially at my age...it's nice to know that you still "got it"...it's nice to be noticed in a good way. I don't know why, but I've felt like everyone at the gym thinks I'm a boy. This guy didn't talk to me or look at me like I was a boy. The most important thing was that his compliments (if you can call them that) meant something because this guy is CRAZY impressive.

Today my workout went well and my confidence got a little boost. It was just what I needed...especially after last night...it was the icing on the cake!

WARMUP
-----------
2 MIN JUMPROPE
ARM CIRCLES
HIGH KNEES

WORKOUT
--------------
10 rope pulls
20 box jumps
Drive Water man across and back
3 rounds

13 Lat Pull Downs 3 sets (80lbs)
25 knees to elbows 3 sets
15 Front Shoulder Raises 3 sets-(12lb DBs)

TIME TO COMPLETE BOTH CIRCUITS BACK TO BACK=39 MIN

CARDIO
-----------
45 MIN TREADMILL FAST WALK (4.5) AT VARYING INCLINES

STRETCH

TODAY'S SOUNDTRACK = THE CULT - "ELECTRIC"

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Day 144.."do I O-FFEND?!?"...

Okay, so this title is only funny if you've seen "Pretty in Pink" and you hear it being said the way Ducky says it in the movie. I'll be honest. I wasn't sure I was liking Tuesday evening workouts. I'm tired at night...J has had a long day in school...it just never seems like it easily flows because I've always felt like I was behind...or making J run late. J told me last week that Tuesdays would be "easier...toning" days. I came prepared for easy. I left wondering what the hell just happened to me...completely embarrassed...and totally shocked by my condition.

It was a great workout...really fast and hard. The only problem that I had was that half way through, I was so self conscious that it was hard to concentrate and even harder to look at my own reflection in the mirror. I was sweating so profusely. It was unbelievable! I work hard at the gym...I'm the self proclaimed "sweatiest girl in the gym". I always sweat...ALOT!...but tonight was a whole new realm of sweatiness. Sweat droplets were flying off me! My shirt was drenched. My pants literally looked like I had peed in them...oh, and there was the added bonus of "sweaty knee" wetness on the front of my pants. The WORST was when I realized that I had wet underarms!!! I use deodorant! I swear that I have NEVER had wet pits...ever...in my entire life! I wanted to crawl in a hole. I always worry that people in the gym think I'm a "boy"...and after tonight...I'm sure J thinks that I am a "disgusting boy" for real. He had to be grossed out! I'm sure I was offensive to everyone around me. I was glad to leave...not because I didn't have a great workout...or because I wanted to get away from J...I just wanted to end the incredible humiliation I was feeling. My husband tried to console me at home afterwards by saying that guys think it's hot when they see a woman that is all sweaty at the gym. I didn't believe him, but I thought it was sweet of him to try and make me feel better.

Soooo....this Tuesday was harsh! I really liked the workout. I really hated the sweaty embarrassment. I worked so hard that I've had a nauseous stomach and a headache ever since I left. As I told J after I left, tonight I feel like I "dined in hell" and it was great in a really horrible kind of way!

WARMUP
-------------
4 min elliptical

WORKOUT
-------------
15 Tricep press down 40lb-50lb
10 Burpees
15 Bicep Curls 35lb bar
Elliptical 30sec-1hard-30cool
3sets

15 Hovering lat rows
10 "8 count body builders"
Elliptical 30easy-1hard-30cool
3 sets

50 back ext 15lb
50 leg lifts
75 sit ups

CARDIO (done this morning)
-----------------------------------
50 min Elliptical
10 min bike

extras this A.M.-I decided that I would do a few "toning" exercises that J and I don't ever do- 50 Overhead Lunges holding an 18 lb bar, Bicep curls (50 with 25 lb bar...25 with 35 lb bar...20 with 35 lb bar), 15 "Skull Crushers" with 2 12lb DBs - 3 sets,15 ea arm- "Heisman" forward press in deep lunge position with cable 30lbs

Monday, February 4, 2008

Day 143.."i'M dEAd!"...

I am worn out! I'm finished! I'm exhausted! I'm toast! Whatever word you choose to describe how I'm feeling...it applies...because after today's workout..."I'm dead!".

J and I had so much fun today...well I'll speak for myself...I had so much fun today. We did 3 series of "timed tests" against each other. I think they all pushed both of us, but the last one was a beating. I chose the exercises and the number of reps on that one so I had nobody to blame but myself. It was so hard and I was sweating so incredibly that I can't find the appropriate words to describe it. If you've ever been there...you KNOW what I mean. If you haven't...it's hard to truly have an understanding of what it takes out of you physically and mentally to finish. It is so hard. In fact, I'm worried that I won't be much good for the rest of the day. I really just want to shower and go to sleep.

The thing is that when I push myself like that...I can't think of anything more satisfying. I can look anyone in the eye and honestly say..."I gave it ALL I had!", and feel proud...especially when I am working out next to someone that is in such great shape ...someone that doesn't stop or give up...someone that is strong. It's an honor to be able to keep up and "hold my own". So, I feel really tired...and really dead...but I am happy with what I accomplished today.

WARMUP
-----------
10 MIN ELLIPTICAL

WORKOUT
--------------
1ST CIRCUIT
20 JUMPING PULL UPS
30 DIPS ON BENCH
12 RING PUSHUPS
3 ROUNDS - TIME=11:31

2ND CIRCUIT
20 PUSH PRESS (45 LB BAR)
25 INCLINE SIT UPS
20 DEAD LIFTS (85LBS)
3 ROUNDS - TIME=8:13

3RD CIRCUIT
50 RENEGADE ROWS (15 LB DBs - 25 EA ARM ALTERNATING)
50 AIR SQUATS
50 BALL SLAMS (10 LB MEDICINE BALL)
3 ROUNDS - TIME=14:04

CARDIO
-----------
15 MIN ELLIPTICAL
15 MIN TREADMILL INTERVALS (3 MIN WALK/3 MIN RUN - 3 TIMES - END WITH 2 MIN WALK)

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Day 142...is my glass half empty or half full?...

I am heading into this week with a bit of uncertainty. I'm trying to decide how I will see things...is my glass half empty?...or is my glass half full? I will soon be taking some time off from working out...not because I want to...but because I have to for medical reasons. The thought of getting up each day and not using my body...not pushing myself harder...farther...longer...is devastating to me. Working out is my favorite past time...it's what I love to do...what makes me happy...fulfilled. To be kept from one of the things I love is torture. I hate losing ground...becoming weaker. I hate being afraid...everyday...afraid that I will get fat again. I hate not seeing all the familiar faces at the gym everyday...especially the face of my trainer. All these things...make my glass half empty.

On the other hand, I will correct something that has been bothering me for quite a while...I'll get rid of the discomfort...once and for all. I can also get rid of the cloud hanging over my head. I will not have to worry or anticipate any more. I get excited to think about the possibility of liking what I see when I stand in front of the mirror. I get excited to know that one day this will be a distant memory and I will be back in the gym again...strong and happy. This makes my glass half full.

I know I constantly quote him, but Mark Twight always says things in such a matter of fact...yet unexpected way. Not everyone wants to be pushed or to rise above. Some people think it's ridiculous...too much...obsessive. He understands. Mark Twight says,

"Self-expression in the gym is the same as behavior in the outside world. Testing and self-hazing in the gym elevates or crushes us depending on whether we overcome ourselves or fall short of our expectations and self-image. For those who use the gym as a tool of self-discovery every success is the cue for analysis, and every failure produces the same reaction: what allowed me to transcend today? Or, what caused me to fall short? We face these tests alone or with partners, who help us, who hurt us, who ultimately walk the path with us."


This week will be bitter sweet. I am happy to know that I have a full week to work out...but the better this week is...the harder it will be to give up. I am happy knowing that I have people that love me and will sacrifice to take care of me...but it's hard to know that I won't see or talk to my trainer for a long time. He reminds me on a daily basis that the only limits I have are self imposed. He makes me want to go faster when we workout side by side. He encourages me to keep going...to finish. When I think that I can't...he shows me that I can. I felt this way with W and now...I feel this way with J. They really are my partners in my quest to know myself better...in my desire to rise above being average and mediocre. J walks the path with me almost everyday. Even when he is not with me physically...I carry his instructions with me and follow his advice. Many times, he causes me the pain that brings me pleasure and gives me peace and purpose. So, while my first instinct is to see my glass as half empty this week...I will take the advice and listen to the words that he has told me before. I will do my best to see my glass as half full.

SUNDAY = REST DAY

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Day 141...iT's HaMMeR tiMe!...

Saturdays are turning out to be my favorite workout day. Today was especially fun because my trainer's foot has healed quicker than expected so he was able to workout with me. It's not totally better so he has to be careful and had to modify a few things, but he worked just as hard or harder than I did. We don't do many timed "tests"...that was more W's thing...but today we did. It's always fun to me and helps me not waste time and keep going when I get tired and want to stop.

So, today...we started inside and ended outside. We were kickin it old school outside. I felt like I was workin in the field...actually...I guess we were. I'm still not great at swinging the sledge hammer, but I'm getting better...more comfortable. I realized today that I've been doing it left handed...I'm RIGHT HANDED! That is such a "ME thing" to do. My arm was tired and I went to switch and thought "WOW, this seems easier!" DUH! I was finally using the "right" arm. It took a long time outside, but the time flew by.

I loved today. We worked hard and had fun. It is a beautiful day...sunny...a slight breeze...perfect temperature...so that was a great way to end the workout...and the week.

WARMUP
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Elliptical

WORKOUT
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Burpee/pull up (rings) 15, 10, 5 (Total-30)
Thrusters 45lb long bar 15, 10, 5 (Total-30)
15-15-10-10-5-5 for time
5:50 (lost a little time there going at the same time)

Jump Rope 2 min
Elliptical 1 min easy-2 min hard-1 min easy
Bike " "

Deadlift 20-15-10-5-5-10-15-20 (Total 100)
KJJ 20-15-10-5-5-10-15-20 (Total 100)
For time- 9:00

...And then we moved outside...
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50 KB Swings 50 (Total 250!!)
25 Sledge swings/hits on Tire (Total 125)
10 ea Tire Flip/Burpee 10 (Total 50)
5 Rounds
43-45 minutes

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...a few words of wisdom from the master...Mark Twight...

"GIVE IT EVERYTHING AND LET THE CHIPS - OR WHATEVER - FALL WHERE THEY MAY. IT WON'T EVER GET ANY EASIER, BUT YOU MIGHT GO FASTER, OR LAST LONGER."

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Friday, February 1, 2008

Day 140...TGIF....

Today is Friday. I had a good workout. I worked out with J, then I did cardio and some rope pulls before I left. I probably didn't look it, but there were things that I felt stronger doing today...like the ring push ups. They're hard and I still struggle...but it's definitely easier than the first time I did them. The only bad thing I can say, is that my hip is bothering me, but it's not as bad as it was at it's worst. I don't have much else to write, so I guess I'll just list today's workout.

WARMUP
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5 MIN ELLIPTICAL

WORKOUT
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20 CLOSE GRIP TRICEP PRESS WITH 40 LB BAR-LAYING ON BENCH WITH LEGS EXTENDED AND "HOVERING"
20 BURPEES

3 ROUNDS

25 SUMO DEADLIFT HIGH PULLS (35 LB KB ON 1ST ROUND THEN SWITCHED TO 45 LB DB)
25 LEG LIFTS
15 RING PUSHUPS

4 ROUNDS

SINGLE LEG DEAD LIFT 25 LB DB (NOT SURE HOW MANY...JUST PRACTICING B/C MY BALANCE SUCKS)

CARDIO
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35 MIN ON ELLIPTICAL (RANDOM)
10 MIN ON RECUMBENT BIKE-LOWER RESISTANCE @ A FAST PACE

AFTER...
I DID 5 ROPE PULLS (UP & DOWN) WITH MY FEET UP ON THE BENCH AND 25 OVERHEAD LUNGES
STRETCH