Monday, January 19, 2009

Day 488...mUcH nEEdEd tHaNkS...

I struggle with my confidence.  My defense mechanism has always been to act aloof and strong.  I pretend that I don't care, but I do.  I care A LOT.  Sometimes, I feel like I can't really be a good trainer at work, because I worry about whether or not people actually respect or appreciate me.  I know they like me...but I don't always know if they really feel like they learn from me...or if THEY even think I'm qualified to train them.  

J and I have very different styles.  I like to show people things and correct them, but at some point...I step back and let them do THEIR best.  I don't do a lot of yelling and while I want them to have "perfect" form...I don't want to correct them until they are discouraged.  J is VERY confident.  He jokes with people and has no problem correcting and motivating.  This is NOT to say he is not nice to everyone...he's just different.  J never second guesses himself.  Many days I wish I could exude the same confidence the he does.

I was covering the 6AM, 8:30 AM, and 5:30PM group training classes today.  The workout included Power Cleans.  There were a few of the guys that had NEVER done a Power Clean and I worried about my ability to teach them a complicated movement in a short period of time.  The 6AM class did really well considering they have never done anything like this...but honestly...I knew they didn't really know enough to question my abilities.  At 8:30, I had my husband and L.  My husband learned the basic movement.  He has things he needs to work on, but I thought he did really well.  L already knows how to do Power Cleans.  He just needs "coaching" to perfect his form.  L never makes me feel insecure so I enjoy teaching him.

So, the day was going pretty well.  After I taught the first 2 classes.  I did the workout myself.  I personally felt much better and much stronger today.  I did several Power Cleans...fairly easily...with 95 lbs.  A couple of weeks ago, I couldn't do that so I was really happy about that.  I did the same workout as the boys and did it pretty fast.  My collarbone is sore and bruised from the force of the bar landing each time...and my thighs are bruised where the bar is supposed to hit, but I still felt good about how well my Power Cleans are coming along.

I went to breakfast with my husband and little boy and while I was there I got a message from the guy that has been visiting from California, SD...(the one I "dogged" on...still feel bad about that).  He asked if I would come up and open the gym around noon so he could workout before he had to fly out this afternoon.  I called him back and agreed.  After breakfast, I ran at the park and then went back to the gym.  When he came, he wasn't excited to do Power Cleans.  So I watched him warm up and offered him some corrections.  I expected him to blow me off...but he listened, and tried, and improved.  When I complimented his improvements...he thanked me!!!  He told me that he appreciated what I told him and that it felt much better.  Before he left, he thanked me again and asked me about my weight loss that's mentioned in my bio online.  I told him "my story" and he said, "Wow!  That is so great.  I couldn't believe it when I read that because you look amazing!!!"  Okay...did I say he bugged me last week?!?!...because I take it ALL back after that!  ha ha ha!

At the 5:30 class, I once again went over Power Cleans.  I watched the guys and gave suggestions.  One guy, CB, has always made me a little nervous.  I have always felt like he thinks I'm a joke...just the T&A of the gym...he's never said or outright done anything to indicate that...once again, I'm sure it's my own it's always hard for me to teach him and feel confident.  I gave him some coaching anyway, and again he listened.  After the workout he said, "I didn't think I could clean that much weight...that many times, but with your help and using better was so much easier than it has been for me in the past.  That was great.  Thank you."  

My confidence was really boosted today.  I realized that I DO have a lot to offer and I was reminded that it is important for me help EVERYONE...not just brand new people.  I appreciated the kind remarks and the thanks that I received today.  I really needed to hear it...not because I want to feel important...but because I needed confirmation that I am doing a good job.  So, to all the guys that listened, and improved, and were gracious enough to thank me..."Thank You!  It was my pleasure!"




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