Sunday, January 18, 2009

Day 487...fAt giRL...

"Everbody fat girl has her own fat story. There are different ways fat folks get fat and lose fat and stay fat.

The world is full of thin women who behind flat stomachs shelter fat girls. You can tell who those women are who give refuge to a fat girl. When they see the buffet table they square their shoulders. They ready for combat with Virginia baked ham, sweet potato souffle and those puffy dinner rolls with butter and a three-layer chocolate mousse cake.

Food is the enemy. Food is also the mother, the father, the warm hearted lover, the house built of red brick that not even the wolf can blow down."  excerpt from "Fat Girl: A True Story" by Judith Moore

I am a fat in a fit with a flat stomach...and that fits into a size 4 and turns heads.  I lost 70lbs  5 years ago.  It took me a year...a year of hard work and sacrifice.  There was no surgery.  There were no pills.   Other fat girls...they think I don't understand...that I have no concept of the challenges they face and the suffering that they endure...but I do.

We went to dinner and the movie "Bride Wars" with our friends last night.  My friend, SD is beautiful and thin...the kind of thin that makes you think that she was born that way...that she has never had to worry about food.  In the movie, there was a GREAT quote about ex-fat girls...somethin like "Here's to Splenda and ex-chubby girls!".   My friend and I laughed and looked at each other and gave a "knuckle pound" because we are BOTH "ex-chubby girls".  You'd never know it looking at us but we were both 200+ pounds in the past.  

Somedays I am strong and I make good choices.  Other days...I feel like the fat girl inside me takes over and I eat things I shouldn't and I feel insecure.  Yesterday I crammed a cupcake in my mouth and I regretted it for the rest of the day.  I worked out hard yesterday...I always do...and one cupcake on one day won't make me fat...but I still get mad at myself because I feel like I've I've let the old me take charge of the new me. 

It's amazing to me that even after all these years, being thin is not second nature to me.  I have to make a conscious effort every day to maintain the progress that I have made over the years.  So, I'm raising my glass of H2O and toasting to "Splenda and ex fat girls"!  Cheers!


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