Sunday, March 30, 2008

Day 198..."tHe aRt oF suFFeRinG"...

"Effort and pain may not be avoided. Physical and psychological breakdowns occur. The support of a like-minded group, dedicated to The Art of Suffering, provides a safety net. An individual will push harder and risk more in the company of trustworthy peers..." - Mark Twight - "GYM JONES" website

I'm tired, and I'm sore. I definitely "suffered" yesterday. At one point, I crawled on my hands and knees from one exercise to the next. I KNEW I couldn't stand, but I didn't want to stop. I think J probably thought I was crazy...maybe even dramatic...but if he knew how bad I really felt a few times, it would've made him really nervous. I was afraid I would pass out once...I was literally seeing stars...and I thought I might toss my donuts...MORE than once...but I kept going because I KNEW deep down that I could. I was willing to risk it, because I felt safe knowing I wasn't alone. J was my "safety net".

The only thing that could've made yesterday better would have been to be able to go without stopping. There are alot of people that don't WANT to workout like I do. I respect and understand that. The fact CAN'T workout like I do unless you WANT to. You have to want it bad enough to be willing to suffer...literally. You have to be willing to risk go until you have no crawl if you can't do one more when you're not sure how you did the last one. All these things are a part of the "Art Of Suffering".

This past week...I felt pain...I exerted ALOT of effort...I had a few emotional breakdowns after working out...but I am so glad that I'm a headstrong glutton for punishment. I didn't want to go to the gym yesterday. I was afraid of failing...again...but I knew J was expecting me. If I had not gone in...I would've ended my week feeling like a failure. I've given stronger performances that I did yesterday in the past...but yesterday I gave it everything I had. I left it all on the floor of the gym and I was able to leave recommitted. I know this week won't be any easier than last week was, but I'm going to go in tomorrow ready to work...even if it means that I may have to suffer.


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