Sunday, March 23, 2008

Day 191...suffering and atonement...


Today is Easter. It's a day of colored eggs and chocolate bunnies. More importantly, it's a day to step back and reflect on the sacrifice of our Savior...His atonement...not for His own sins...but for OURs. He suffered and made it possible for us to be forgiven...and for us to become better and stronger through this process.

I hope it doesn't seem like I am cheapening a deeply spiritual concept, but I've thought a lot about suffering and atonement over the past week as I have struggled to get back into shape and come to grips with the fact that it will not be easy or quick. No one enjoys suffering. Most of us avoid it at all costs. Unfortunately, we all have to some time...for some reason. I have learned that it is not a question of when or why we will suffer that matters. It is how we react to the suffering and what we do with it that does. Do we fight it and remain stagnant?...or do we accept it and become stronger and better in the process? This is what matters.

I have suffered both physically and emotionally over the past several weeks as I have been recovering from surgery. I have had moments of incredible strength and moments of deep despair and weakness. I mourn the loss of strength and I fight the process of recovery at times. I want instant gratification...immediate healing, but what I need is to be patient and accept the suffering in order to become better...not just physically...but emotionally as well. When I embrace the pain and suffering...when I try to learn from it...move forward in spite of it...I am blessed with an atonement of sorts.

I will try not to be so impatient this week. I will not try to avoid the pain or suffering, but welcome it... accept it instead. I will allow myself to receive atonement through suffering.


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