Day 183...NOT my usual Saturday...

I usually workout in the morning on Saturdays with my trainer. He doesn't want to work with me until my doctor "releases" me. Um, okay. I'm already working out. Anyways, I would've gone in this morning earlier and worked out alone, but I had other plans. It was around 1 PM when I got to the gym, which was really strange. What was stranger, was that because I had already gotten ready for the day...I went in with my hair down...normal...not in a ponytail. I figured that I can't work hard enough to barely work up a sweat and I never keep my hair in a ponytail, so this way I could just bathe when I got home and not have to totally rewash my hair. I felt so weird...like I was trying to be "cute" at the gym. I always wear makeup and matching workout clothes...but I go there to work...hair pulled back...ready for ACTION! A few people that see me regularly looked at me like "What are you doing?" A few women looked at me like "What a bimbo!". One was so busy glaring that she didn't notice her husband standing behind her...checking me out. Hate on your man, Hater!

The ironic thing was that I fretted for 10 minutes before leaving for the gym, because I thought my outfit made me look fat. My husband said, "You don't look fat and if you are going to go to the gym looking like that...you better be prepared to get a few looks!" WHATEVER! I scoffed at him and rolled my eyes. So, I get there and I feel like I'm being stared at. Then...some weird guy...that looks to be mid 20s...and probably weighs "a buck fifty" soaking wet...follows me over to the bikes and starts talking to me. I had seen him staring when I came in, but I'm so negative on myself that I never think about anyone wanting to pick up on me, so it took me a minute to figure out what was going on. He's talking to me and I have my music so loud, I didn't even hear him at first til I looked over and saw him staring at me and his mouth was moving. I turned down my volume, smiled, was nice and humored his goofy, awkward comments. As soon as I hit 5 minutes, I quickly hopped off and went far away to start my workout in peace.

I feel so lost...not being able to jump and struggle and move at a fast pace...full throttle...high intensity. I feel like a failure. So, I got started and I struggled. I struggled through pullups and I fought my way through pushups. Mark Twight says, "...the mind and body adapt to both comfort and deprivation...". My body has adapted to resting and going slow and easy. It sucks, but I will claw and scratch my way back to where I was. I can't wait to go out behind the gym on a Saturday with J and "tear it up" (as he says). I can't wait to hurt. I can't wait to be afraid of what the next workout will bring. It was hard for me...hard physically and even harder on my ego.

So, I figured if I'm gonna be a "girl" in the gym today..why not go all the way?!? When I got ready to do cardio, I went down and pointed the fan at my elliptical, so I wouldn't get too sweaty. It felt so good, but I felt like such a prissy girl with my hair down and my lipgloss and the fan blowing on me like I was in some fashion shoot. It's actually funny when I look back on it. Today was interesting. It was hard and easy and familiar and strange all at once. It was definitely NOT my usual Saturday in the gym.

WARMUP
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5 MIN RECUMBENT BIKE

WORKOUT
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10 PULLUPS (JUMPING)
20 PUSHUPS (GOOD ONES-BOY STYLE)
30 SQUATS (BODY WEIGHT/TABATA)
40 DIPS (BENCH)
30 SQUATS
20 PUSHUPS
10 PULLUPS
THEN:
25 REPS ABDUCTOR MACHINE (70 LBS-1ST SET-WEAK, BUT TRYING NOT TO "STRAIN" / 80LBS 2ND SET)
25 REPS ADDUCTOR MACHINE(70 LBS / 80 LBS)
REPEAT FOR 2 SETS (50 TOTAL ON EACH)

CARDIO
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45 MIN ELLIPTICAL (WITH "ARMS"- INTERVALS)

5 MIN STRETCH