the pain diaries: Day 196...i pReTTy mUcH sUCk...

Friday, March 28, 2008

Day 196...i pReTTy mUcH sUCk...

I know that positive thinking is important...BUT...I'm not feelin so positive after today's workout. I feel like I pretty much SUCK! I was slow and weak and whiny. I'm embarrassed of my performance and now I'm scared to go back tomorrow.

First, I have to say that the "noon" crowd at the gym was...NUTS! One kid kept flexing his biceps and making googly eyes...AT HIMSELF!!! Another guy, literally pulled up his shirt to admire his abs and STROKE them lovingly as well...literally. Then some poor maniac that looked like a 55 yr old accountant came in and played "MR. BIG BAD KUNG FOO M.M.A. FIGHTER DUDE"! It was so crazy that I had to turn my back on him to be able to finish my last 75 jump ropes. At the end, he did some crazy move like "Cmon! Let's fight!"...mind you..he's ALONE! He was "fighting" not only the 2 punching bags, but the metal post as well. I just busted out in hysterical laughing. I know it's mean. I was exhausted and overwhelmed and tired. I had NO control left!

Okay, so on to MY working out...from the beginning, I struggled with the push presses. I like push presses and normally don't have a problem, but I was so tired and feeling so weak...like it took twice as much effort to do what I normally do. The KTEs (knees to elbows) were a disaster. My hands were hurting so bad, and they took me forever. The only thing that wasn't hard was jump roping. That was like a welcome relief...a break. There were 2 specific times when I struggled to not break down and cry. I feel like such a loser...like I can't get it back.

I got done and took off my gloves to see that I have a few nice raised white calluses on one hand...nothing out of the ordinary. The other hand...the one that was hurting so bad...it has a nice big callus that has blood under the skin!

No wonder I couldn't hold on to the bar! I tried to do cardio, but my body just wouldn't allow it. My legs literally would not run...they were giving out and I was afraid I would fall off the treadmill. Completely defeated...I got my stuff and left the gym...sad...discouraged. I sat down in my car feeling the tears start to well up in my eyes when something told me to check my phone. I checked it only to find out that my friend W had just called.

I called him back and we had a nice talk. He's coming to visit and I can't wait! He distracted me from my "pity party" and kept me from crying without even knowing it. I miss him and wished I could talk to him more...sometimes it makes me feel frustrated...but when I really NEED him...he's ALWAYS there. I sucked at working out today, but I am lucky to have W as a friend.

WORKOUT
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25, 20, 15, 10, 5
PUSH PRESS - 45LBs
KTEs
STAR JUMPS
75 JUMP ROPE

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..............WHY?...............

This is my training log...my "workout diary" if you will. It is mostly for ME, but if it motivates someone else, that's great too! I write everday as a way of being accountable to myself. It's a way to track my progress, correct my mistakes, and a way to look back and view my day to day struggle to continue to work towards being the best possible version of myself. Sometimes, I am tired or lonely or unmotivated. Sometimes, I am "powerful beyond measure". Sometimes it is fun...easy. Other times, it is almost unbearable. I use to have my trainers to push me...but NOW I am on my own.

QUOTES THAT INSPIRE ME TO PUSH HARDER...GO FASTER...AND TRAIN LONGER

"SOME DEFINE OBSESSION AS NEGATIVE. I SAY IT'S HOW YOU GET THINGS DONE."

-MARK TWIGHT

"PAIN IS TEMPORARY. IT MAY LAST A MINUTE, OR AN HOUR, OR A DAY, OR A YEAR, BUT EVENTUALLY IT WILL SUBSIDE AND SOMETHING ELSE TAKES IT'S PLACE. IF I QUIT HOWEVER, IT LASTS FOREVER."

-LANCE ARMSTRONG

"TO BE TRANSFORMED BY EFFORT, ONE MUST DIG DEEP...SURPASS ONE'S EXPECTATIONS OR SELF-IMPOSED LIMITATIONS...RISK FAILURE...BLOW UP, AND 'GET THE FULL DOSE'...IT ALWAYS HURTS YOU GO AS HARD AS YOU CAN."

-MARK TWIGHT-"GYM JONES" WEBSITE

"TO GIVE ANYTHING LESS THAN YOUR BEST IS TO SACRIFICE THE GIFT."

-STEVE PREFONTAINE

“PUNISH YOUR BODY TO PERFECT YOUR SOUL.”

-MARK TWIGHT

“ONLY THOSE WHO WILL RISK GOING TOO FAR CAN POSSIBLY FIND OUT HOW FAR ONE CAN GO.”

-T.S. ELIOTT

"THE BENEFITS OF FITNESS ARE NOT MERELY PHYSICAL. SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION OF A SERIES OF DIFFICULT, SHORT-DURATION, HIGH INTENSITY EFFORTS BUILDS SELF-ASSUREDNESS IN A WAY THAT VERY FEW OTHER ACTIVITIES CAN. TOUGH WORKOUTS THAT PUSH AN INDIVIDUAL TO THE VERY LIMIT OF HIS OR HER CAPACITIES MAY BECOME THE GATEWAY TO HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS. AND THAT AWARENESS OFTEN LEADS TO CONFIDENCE."

-MARK TWIGHT

"WHEN A PERSON TRAINS ONCE, NOTHING HAPPENS. WHEN A PERSON FORCES HIMSELF TO DO A THING A HUNDRED OR A THOUSAND TIMES, THEN HE CERTAINLY HAS DEVELOPED IN MORE WAYS THAN PHYSICAL. IS IT RAINING? THAT DOESN'T MATTER. AM I TIRED? THAT DOESN'T MATTER EITHER. THEN WILLPOWER WILL BE NO PROBLEM"

-EMIL ZATOPEK

"GIVE IT EVERYTHING AND LET THE CHIPS...OR WHATEVER...FALL WHERE THEY MAY. IT WON'T EVER GET EASIER, BUT YOU MIGHT GO FASTER, OR LAST LONGER."

-MARK TWIGHT

“A LOT OF PEOPLE RUN A RACE TO SEE WHO IS FASTEST. I RUN TO SEE WHO HAS THE MOST GUTS WHO CAN PUNISH HIMSELF INTO EXHAUSTING PACE, AND THEN AT THE END, PUNISH HIMSELF EVEN MORE. NOBODY IS GOING TO WIN A 5,000METER RACE AFTER RUNNING AN EASY 2 MILES. NOT WITH ME. IF I LOSE FORCING THE PACE ALL THE WAY, WELL, AT LEAST I CAN LIVE WITH MYSELF.“

-STEVE PREFONTAINE

“SUFFERING PROVIDES THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXERCISE WILL AND DEVELOP GRIT… THE MIND AND BODY ADAPT TO BOTH COMFORT AND DEPRIVATION… RELISH THE CHALLENGE OF OVERCOMING DIFFICULTIES THAT WOULD CRUSH ORDINARY MEN... LEARN TO SUFFER.”

-MARK TWIGHT – excerpts from "Extreme Alpinism - Climbing Light, Fast and High"

“SOMETIMES IF YOU WANT TO BE A WINNER, YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO BEAR THE SCARS FROM THE FIGHT.”

-PETRA SALVAJE

'EACH OF US GIVES WHAT WE ARE ABLE AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY, WILLING TO GIVE TO LIFE. HOW WE REACT WHEN OUR CAPACITY AND WILL FALL SHORT OF OUR EXPECTATIONS DETERMINES HOW WE VIEW OURSELVES...".

-MARK TWIGHT~"GYM JONES" website