Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Day 130...diSaPPoiNtmEnt...

I love to workout. I'm not naturally athletic and I mess up alot. I'm goofy and awkward, but I still enjoy it...most of the time. When I have a good day...I'm happy and when I don't have such a good day...I'm really disappointed...even sad. I got some news today that made me very discouraged. I looked forward to going to the gym and working hard and forgetting. I went...but I did a terrible job and I couldn't stop thinking about what I was there to forget.

So now...I feel...worse...weak....unsatisfied. It's my fault. I never know when to stop...when to take myself out of an impossible situation. I knew it wasn't going to end well 10 minutes in to my workout. I've had this happen before. It's hard to separate yourself from an impossible situation when there's someone else involved. I know that if I walk out..no matter how politely...the other person will feel responsible...bad...so I stay. I tried to smile and laugh to cover the way I was really feeling. I held back the tears the majority of the time...tears that started falling as soon as I left the gym and got into my car. I wanted to do well...but I didn't...I couldn't. When I don't do well, I feel like I'm letting my trainer down. I felt that way with W before and I feel that way with J now. I know it's in my head, but it's the way I feel.

I struggled through my workout. I'm so glad that I got my cardio done early this morning. I'm disappointed in myself, but tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully it will be better.

Jumping Pull ups (varied, next time stickin to the negatives) - no idea how many reps;)
15 Tricep Press Down 70lbs
15 Bicep Curls with Rope
Ring Planks (30 sec,30sec,1min)

3 rounds

20 Dead Lifts 75Lb
25 Squat w/press 25lb
25 Leg Lifts

3 Rounds

30 min Elliptical (resistance / intervals
30 min intervals on treadmill (2 min warmup walk/3 min run/3 min walk ... YES I said run and it didn't hurt! Yea for that!)

No comments: