Sunday, January 20, 2008

Day 128...listening...

I sometimes dread Sundays, because it's such a struggle to get my kids ready for church and get there on time. I feel bad, because NO ONE listens to me...which leads to a "Mommy Meltdown". I start out calm and end up crazy and frustrated. I run out to the car in my high heels every week grumbling about how no one listens...feeling like a failure.

I've always been hard on myself. I never remember a time in my life that I felt really good about myself. Unfortunately, I went through some things as a child...bad things...that forever made it hard for me to like myself. No one will ever be tougher on me than I am. I sometimes struggle with listening just like my kids do. I listen to all the self deprecating thoughts in my head and believe, but I don't listen to the voices around me telling me that I can be...that I am...all the good things that I want to be. I try to listen to others...but it's hard to change when it's all you know. I seem to have no problem listening to all the bad things in my head. Maybe if I try telling myself good things...I'll start listening to that voice. I need to forgive myself for the things that weren't my fault...things I couldn't control, and control the things that I feelings...the way I treat myself. I need to start listening to the good...and believe.

I had some hard days last week, but today I'm looking forward to starting a new week with a better attitude.


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