the pain diaries: Day 398...i sUcK!!!...

Friday, October 17, 2008

Day 398...i sUcK!!!...

I went in to workout...I knew what I was gonna do...I knew what time I wanted to beat. J and A were there, so we chatted a bit and then I got ready to start the stopwatch...and my workout. I kept stallin...I'm not sure why...I just was nervous and I knew once I started...I was committed til the end. I don't quit...not usually.

I could tell this would not be good from the moment I ran back in the door and started trying to do my 50 PULL UPS! I could only get like 3 or 4 at a time...my hands were hurtin and I felt drained...like I had no energy. I also felt very discouraged and VERY frustrated. You see...I've never felt like I measure up. It's always been this way...since I was a little girl...so when I go to the gym and I push through the pain...when I run a little faster or lift a little more...than somebody...ANYBODY...it takes the edge off of the pain. Not so today. I finally stopped the stopwatch because it was too hard to see how behind I was. Still, I don't quit...so I "carried on"...feeling really low...holding back tears. Then, I went to do SDHPs and No matter how hard I tried...I was struggling so with the weight, that I finally took 10 lbs off. That was especially bad because J had just told me how well K, a tiny, cute, little 115 lb lady at the gym was so strong when she did this yesterday. He said, "She was just throwing that weight up! It was impressive!" Now let me say...I'M NOT THE KIND THAT WISHED FAILURE ON OTHERS SO I CAN SUCCEED...I truly wish that everyone that comes to the gym improves and grows stronger and does the best they can. I am honestly happy when they do...I consider all the people that come to be my friends. At the same time I feel like THEY are improving...while I slide backwards. The final blow was when I came to the thrusters...I did 3...then 2...the 3...then 2...then 3...then 1...and I took 20 lbs off...and I did 2...and then I did 3 (barely...and I threw the bar down and quit. Yes, I QUIT.

I know I said that I don't quit, but I literally felt like I could not do it physically and in the mental state I was in at that point there was NO pushin through. I rolled the tire outside to flip it. Not a problem for me usually. I couldn't do it. I rolled it back in and called it a day. I suck!

WARMUP
-----------
500 M ROW

WORKOUT
-------------
RUN 400 M
50 PULL UPS
RUN 400 M
50 STAR JUMPS
RUN 400 M
25 SDHPs (75 LBS/65 LBS)
RUN 400 M
25 THRUSTERS (65 LBS/45 LBS) only did 19 of them

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..............WHY?...............

This is my training log...my "workout diary" if you will. It is mostly for ME, but if it motivates someone else, that's great too! I write everday as a way of being accountable to myself. It's a way to track my progress, correct my mistakes, and a way to look back and view my day to day struggle to continue to work towards being the best possible version of myself. Sometimes, I am tired or lonely or unmotivated. Sometimes, I am "powerful beyond measure". Sometimes it is fun...easy. Other times, it is almost unbearable. I use to have my trainers to push me...but NOW I am on my own.

QUOTES THAT INSPIRE ME TO PUSH HARDER...GO FASTER...AND TRAIN LONGER

"SOME DEFINE OBSESSION AS NEGATIVE. I SAY IT'S HOW YOU GET THINGS DONE."

-MARK TWIGHT

"PAIN IS TEMPORARY. IT MAY LAST A MINUTE, OR AN HOUR, OR A DAY, OR A YEAR, BUT EVENTUALLY IT WILL SUBSIDE AND SOMETHING ELSE TAKES IT'S PLACE. IF I QUIT HOWEVER, IT LASTS FOREVER."

-LANCE ARMSTRONG

"TO BE TRANSFORMED BY EFFORT, ONE MUST DIG DEEP...SURPASS ONE'S EXPECTATIONS OR SELF-IMPOSED LIMITATIONS...RISK FAILURE...BLOW UP, AND 'GET THE FULL DOSE'...IT ALWAYS HURTS YOU GO AS HARD AS YOU CAN."

-MARK TWIGHT-"GYM JONES" WEBSITE

"TO GIVE ANYTHING LESS THAN YOUR BEST IS TO SACRIFICE THE GIFT."

-STEVE PREFONTAINE

“PUNISH YOUR BODY TO PERFECT YOUR SOUL.”

-MARK TWIGHT

“ONLY THOSE WHO WILL RISK GOING TOO FAR CAN POSSIBLY FIND OUT HOW FAR ONE CAN GO.”

-T.S. ELIOTT

"THE BENEFITS OF FITNESS ARE NOT MERELY PHYSICAL. SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION OF A SERIES OF DIFFICULT, SHORT-DURATION, HIGH INTENSITY EFFORTS BUILDS SELF-ASSUREDNESS IN A WAY THAT VERY FEW OTHER ACTIVITIES CAN. TOUGH WORKOUTS THAT PUSH AN INDIVIDUAL TO THE VERY LIMIT OF HIS OR HER CAPACITIES MAY BECOME THE GATEWAY TO HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS. AND THAT AWARENESS OFTEN LEADS TO CONFIDENCE."

-MARK TWIGHT

"WHEN A PERSON TRAINS ONCE, NOTHING HAPPENS. WHEN A PERSON FORCES HIMSELF TO DO A THING A HUNDRED OR A THOUSAND TIMES, THEN HE CERTAINLY HAS DEVELOPED IN MORE WAYS THAN PHYSICAL. IS IT RAINING? THAT DOESN'T MATTER. AM I TIRED? THAT DOESN'T MATTER EITHER. THEN WILLPOWER WILL BE NO PROBLEM"

-EMIL ZATOPEK

"GIVE IT EVERYTHING AND LET THE CHIPS...OR WHATEVER...FALL WHERE THEY MAY. IT WON'T EVER GET EASIER, BUT YOU MIGHT GO FASTER, OR LAST LONGER."

-MARK TWIGHT

“A LOT OF PEOPLE RUN A RACE TO SEE WHO IS FASTEST. I RUN TO SEE WHO HAS THE MOST GUTS WHO CAN PUNISH HIMSELF INTO EXHAUSTING PACE, AND THEN AT THE END, PUNISH HIMSELF EVEN MORE. NOBODY IS GOING TO WIN A 5,000METER RACE AFTER RUNNING AN EASY 2 MILES. NOT WITH ME. IF I LOSE FORCING THE PACE ALL THE WAY, WELL, AT LEAST I CAN LIVE WITH MYSELF.“

-STEVE PREFONTAINE

“SUFFERING PROVIDES THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXERCISE WILL AND DEVELOP GRIT… THE MIND AND BODY ADAPT TO BOTH COMFORT AND DEPRIVATION… RELISH THE CHALLENGE OF OVERCOMING DIFFICULTIES THAT WOULD CRUSH ORDINARY MEN... LEARN TO SUFFER.”

-MARK TWIGHT – excerpts from "Extreme Alpinism - Climbing Light, Fast and High"

“SOMETIMES IF YOU WANT TO BE A WINNER, YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO BEAR THE SCARS FROM THE FIGHT.”

-PETRA SALVAJE

'EACH OF US GIVES WHAT WE ARE ABLE AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY, WILLING TO GIVE TO LIFE. HOW WE REACT WHEN OUR CAPACITY AND WILL FALL SHORT OF OUR EXPECTATIONS DETERMINES HOW WE VIEW OURSELVES...".

-MARK TWIGHT~"GYM JONES" website