the pain diaries: Day 216...rEaLitY cHecK...

Friday, April 18, 2008

Day 216...rEaLitY cHecK...

I haven't worked out for the majority of my life. I NEVER played sports. I am NOT athletic...naturally. I really WAS "picked last in gym" as a kid. About 4 years ago, I started working out...not to get strong...not to push myself or see what I could do...but SOLELY to lose weight. I'm ashamed to say that in the beginning, I was more than okay with mediocrity...and SO...that's what I was..mediocre...average. When I wasn't really getting the results I wanted (weight loss), I decided to go from 3-4 medium paced workouts a day...to 5-6 high intensity workouts (or what I THOUGHT was high intensity at the time). I then began to lose weight...and I began to somewhat enjoy working out...but only because it made me look better. I met my good friend and my ex-trainer, W, almost 2 years ago. I didn't think I needed him...I was very committed...already thin...and I didn't think I had a thing to learn from him. I reluctantly agreed to a free session with him and my life changed forever.

He hurt me SO bad the first session that I could barely walk the next day. He brought emotions out in me that I had NEVER felt while working out...pure joy...fear...excitement...panic...even anger at times. From that day on...I was hooked. It was like a drug...and he was my dealer. The first "hit" was free, because he knew I would be back for more...no matter what it cost. Now when I workout...it is not so much about weight loss or appearance...as Mark Twight says..."these are consequences...". I workout to sculpt and change my mind and my soul...then my body follows. I workout to see what I can do...to gage how far I'm willing to go...to continue to push past my "self imposed" limitations...to learn something. Sometimes I learn a new exercise...sometimes I learn patience...sometimes I learn to conquer a fear...sometimes I learn things about myself...both good and bad.

After doing this for quite a while and after being coached by two great trainers/friends...I have become fairly proficient...strong. Sometimes I can get lazy...cocky...and I think that I have "learned" it all. When this happens, I hamper my ability to progress until finally I am humbled. I've had some pretty rough days over the past week or so. At times, I have been pretty low. Today, J and I were not able to do the workout that he had planned, but it was okay...because I learned some things...from him...and from myself through my effort.

I learned to do an exercise that is difficult to do...overhead squats. As I struggled to stabilize myself with a 45 LB bar over my head, I was reminded that concentration and desire are just as important...if not MORE important than physical strength. I learned that I DON'T know it all and that I still NEED a trainer. I worked on pull ups..AGAIN...for what felt like the "millionth" time! Near the end of the workout, when I didn't think I could even pull myself up an inch...I squeezed my back together and I felt a little lift. I still can't do a pullup...but I was reminded that if I will LISTEN to the advice that my trainers give me and KEEP practicing... ONE DAY...I WILL get it. I HAVE to believe that and I have to try 1 million and 1 times...or I won't ever do it.

Today was an okay day physically...but it was a great day psychologically. It was a reality check...not a "I suck and I'm weak and I'll never get it" reality check...a "I can do this, but I STILL have ALOT to learn" reality check. I'm nervous about tomorrow's workout, but that's okay. The fear means that I am still being challenged. The fear means that I'm not complacent...I care about how well I do. The fear means I have an opportunity for growth...if I accept it...embrace it...and I am willing to feel a little pain and NOT quit.

WARMUP
--------------
5 MIN ELLIPTICAL
STRETCH

WORKOUT
----------------
PRACTICE OVERHEAD SQUATS WITH 45 LB BAR

THEN:
20 PUSHUPS
20 OVERHEAD SQUATS (STARTED WITH 45 LBS & SWITCHED TO 20/25? LB WEIGHTED STICK)
20 ASSISTED PULLUPS (SMALL BAND)
100 YARD FARMER'S WALK (A 35LB KETTLEBELL IN EACH HAND)
3 ROUNDS

CARDIO
----------
IT JUST WASN'T "IN THE CARDS" TODAY. I FELT SO FATIGUED AND WITH MY KIDS OUT OF SCHOOL, MY PLANS WERE INTERRUPTED. I LOVE CARDIO AND THINK CARDIO IS SO IMPORTANT...I USUALLY NEVER MISS A DAY...BUT TODAY I DID AND I'M OKAY. I ACTUALLY NEEDED THE REST.

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..............WHY?...............

This is my training log...my "workout diary" if you will. It is mostly for ME, but if it motivates someone else, that's great too! I write everday as a way of being accountable to myself. It's a way to track my progress, correct my mistakes, and a way to look back and view my day to day struggle to continue to work towards being the best possible version of myself. Sometimes, I am tired or lonely or unmotivated. Sometimes, I am "powerful beyond measure". Sometimes it is fun...easy. Other times, it is almost unbearable. I use to have my trainers to push me...but NOW I am on my own.

QUOTES THAT INSPIRE ME TO PUSH HARDER...GO FASTER...AND TRAIN LONGER

"SOME DEFINE OBSESSION AS NEGATIVE. I SAY IT'S HOW YOU GET THINGS DONE."

-MARK TWIGHT

"PAIN IS TEMPORARY. IT MAY LAST A MINUTE, OR AN HOUR, OR A DAY, OR A YEAR, BUT EVENTUALLY IT WILL SUBSIDE AND SOMETHING ELSE TAKES IT'S PLACE. IF I QUIT HOWEVER, IT LASTS FOREVER."

-LANCE ARMSTRONG

"TO BE TRANSFORMED BY EFFORT, ONE MUST DIG DEEP...SURPASS ONE'S EXPECTATIONS OR SELF-IMPOSED LIMITATIONS...RISK FAILURE...BLOW UP, AND 'GET THE FULL DOSE'...IT ALWAYS HURTS YOU GO AS HARD AS YOU CAN."

-MARK TWIGHT-"GYM JONES" WEBSITE

"TO GIVE ANYTHING LESS THAN YOUR BEST IS TO SACRIFICE THE GIFT."

-STEVE PREFONTAINE

“PUNISH YOUR BODY TO PERFECT YOUR SOUL.”

-MARK TWIGHT

“ONLY THOSE WHO WILL RISK GOING TOO FAR CAN POSSIBLY FIND OUT HOW FAR ONE CAN GO.”

-T.S. ELIOTT

"THE BENEFITS OF FITNESS ARE NOT MERELY PHYSICAL. SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION OF A SERIES OF DIFFICULT, SHORT-DURATION, HIGH INTENSITY EFFORTS BUILDS SELF-ASSUREDNESS IN A WAY THAT VERY FEW OTHER ACTIVITIES CAN. TOUGH WORKOUTS THAT PUSH AN INDIVIDUAL TO THE VERY LIMIT OF HIS OR HER CAPACITIES MAY BECOME THE GATEWAY TO HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS. AND THAT AWARENESS OFTEN LEADS TO CONFIDENCE."

-MARK TWIGHT

"WHEN A PERSON TRAINS ONCE, NOTHING HAPPENS. WHEN A PERSON FORCES HIMSELF TO DO A THING A HUNDRED OR A THOUSAND TIMES, THEN HE CERTAINLY HAS DEVELOPED IN MORE WAYS THAN PHYSICAL. IS IT RAINING? THAT DOESN'T MATTER. AM I TIRED? THAT DOESN'T MATTER EITHER. THEN WILLPOWER WILL BE NO PROBLEM"

-EMIL ZATOPEK

"GIVE IT EVERYTHING AND LET THE CHIPS...OR WHATEVER...FALL WHERE THEY MAY. IT WON'T EVER GET EASIER, BUT YOU MIGHT GO FASTER, OR LAST LONGER."

-MARK TWIGHT

“A LOT OF PEOPLE RUN A RACE TO SEE WHO IS FASTEST. I RUN TO SEE WHO HAS THE MOST GUTS WHO CAN PUNISH HIMSELF INTO EXHAUSTING PACE, AND THEN AT THE END, PUNISH HIMSELF EVEN MORE. NOBODY IS GOING TO WIN A 5,000METER RACE AFTER RUNNING AN EASY 2 MILES. NOT WITH ME. IF I LOSE FORCING THE PACE ALL THE WAY, WELL, AT LEAST I CAN LIVE WITH MYSELF.“

-STEVE PREFONTAINE

“SUFFERING PROVIDES THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXERCISE WILL AND DEVELOP GRIT… THE MIND AND BODY ADAPT TO BOTH COMFORT AND DEPRIVATION… RELISH THE CHALLENGE OF OVERCOMING DIFFICULTIES THAT WOULD CRUSH ORDINARY MEN... LEARN TO SUFFER.”

-MARK TWIGHT – excerpts from "Extreme Alpinism - Climbing Light, Fast and High"

“SOMETIMES IF YOU WANT TO BE A WINNER, YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO BEAR THE SCARS FROM THE FIGHT.”

-PETRA SALVAJE

'EACH OF US GIVES WHAT WE ARE ABLE AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY, WILLING TO GIVE TO LIFE. HOW WE REACT WHEN OUR CAPACITY AND WILL FALL SHORT OF OUR EXPECTATIONS DETERMINES HOW WE VIEW OURSELVES...".

-MARK TWIGHT~"GYM JONES" website