the pain diaries: Day 213...oLd dOg...nEw tRiCks...

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Day 213...oLd dOg...nEw tRiCks...

They say, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks!" I don't believe that. Now, I will be honest...and say...I don't really like change. I'm not a fan of doing things that I'm not good at. I will also say that I can obviously be thick at times. I struggle to learn new things...especially compound, complicated "moves" at the gym. I'm not naturally athletic, and I'm awkward. I listen and I WANT to "get it" quickly ...perfectly...easily...but I don't.

I want to please my trainers. I want them to be happy with my performance. I want them to be proud of me...but I especially want them to WANT to train ME. I feel like this will ONLY happen if I do well...if I cooperate...if I give everything I have...if I am always evolving, learning, becoming better. Many times with W, I learned new things. Sometimes I knew he was really frustrated with me. J doesn't seem to get as frustrated...as quickly...but I know it's hard to tell someone something...over...and over...and over...only to have them freeze up...to act confused...and then...do it wrong! That's ME!

J has been teaching me some Olympic lifts...as well as some other new exercises. I'm not doing so well. He tried to teach me to do "Double Unders" with the jump rope. I just kept missing and the plastic "rope" would "slap" my legs. It hurt...and it was an agitating hurt...one that builds with each swipe. I know it was disrespectful, but I finally had to say, "I'm done!" He didn't like it, but I was getting defeated and I wasn't going to be successful with that attitude. It brought up a wide range of emotions... frustration... excitement... sadness... hope... embarrassment... anger. The part that is so bad, is that I'm afraid that when this happens...that I project these emotions outward. I'm afraid that J thinks I am being flippant or angry with him...but it is all about ME! When I fail, it brings out serious insecurity and then I get "mental paralysis". I over think it and freeze up.

I did a lot of thinking when I got home. I decided that even though this is really hard for me...even though it will take me ALOT of time to "get" these new moves...I want to keep trying. I want to replace all those negative emotions with triumph! I just hope that J doesn't take my failure personally. I hope he doesn't give up on me, because THIS "old dog" wants to learn some new tricks!

WARMUP
-------------
10 MIN ELLIPTICAL

WORKOUT
------------------
50, 40, 30, 20, 10
TUCK JUMPS (SUPPOSED TO BE DOUBLE UNDERS-sorry, J!)
SIT UPS (ABMAT...KNEES BENT...SOLES OF FEET TOGETHER...HANDS OVERLAPPING & "REACHING")

PRACTICED PUSH PRESS & PUSH JERK

CARDIO
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20 MIN INTERVALS ON TREADMILL (WALK/RUN)

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..............WHY?...............

This is my training log...my "workout diary" if you will. It is mostly for ME, but if it motivates someone else, that's great too! I write everday as a way of being accountable to myself. It's a way to track my progress, correct my mistakes, and a way to look back and view my day to day struggle to continue to work towards being the best possible version of myself. Sometimes, I am tired or lonely or unmotivated. Sometimes, I am "powerful beyond measure". Sometimes it is fun...easy. Other times, it is almost unbearable. I use to have my trainers to push me...but NOW I am on my own.

QUOTES THAT INSPIRE ME TO PUSH HARDER...GO FASTER...AND TRAIN LONGER

"SOME DEFINE OBSESSION AS NEGATIVE. I SAY IT'S HOW YOU GET THINGS DONE."

-MARK TWIGHT

"PAIN IS TEMPORARY. IT MAY LAST A MINUTE, OR AN HOUR, OR A DAY, OR A YEAR, BUT EVENTUALLY IT WILL SUBSIDE AND SOMETHING ELSE TAKES IT'S PLACE. IF I QUIT HOWEVER, IT LASTS FOREVER."

-LANCE ARMSTRONG

"TO BE TRANSFORMED BY EFFORT, ONE MUST DIG DEEP...SURPASS ONE'S EXPECTATIONS OR SELF-IMPOSED LIMITATIONS...RISK FAILURE...BLOW UP, AND 'GET THE FULL DOSE'...IT ALWAYS HURTS YOU GO AS HARD AS YOU CAN."

-MARK TWIGHT-"GYM JONES" WEBSITE

"TO GIVE ANYTHING LESS THAN YOUR BEST IS TO SACRIFICE THE GIFT."

-STEVE PREFONTAINE

“PUNISH YOUR BODY TO PERFECT YOUR SOUL.”

-MARK TWIGHT

“ONLY THOSE WHO WILL RISK GOING TOO FAR CAN POSSIBLY FIND OUT HOW FAR ONE CAN GO.”

-T.S. ELIOTT

"THE BENEFITS OF FITNESS ARE NOT MERELY PHYSICAL. SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION OF A SERIES OF DIFFICULT, SHORT-DURATION, HIGH INTENSITY EFFORTS BUILDS SELF-ASSUREDNESS IN A WAY THAT VERY FEW OTHER ACTIVITIES CAN. TOUGH WORKOUTS THAT PUSH AN INDIVIDUAL TO THE VERY LIMIT OF HIS OR HER CAPACITIES MAY BECOME THE GATEWAY TO HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS. AND THAT AWARENESS OFTEN LEADS TO CONFIDENCE."

-MARK TWIGHT

"WHEN A PERSON TRAINS ONCE, NOTHING HAPPENS. WHEN A PERSON FORCES HIMSELF TO DO A THING A HUNDRED OR A THOUSAND TIMES, THEN HE CERTAINLY HAS DEVELOPED IN MORE WAYS THAN PHYSICAL. IS IT RAINING? THAT DOESN'T MATTER. AM I TIRED? THAT DOESN'T MATTER EITHER. THEN WILLPOWER WILL BE NO PROBLEM"

-EMIL ZATOPEK

"GIVE IT EVERYTHING AND LET THE CHIPS...OR WHATEVER...FALL WHERE THEY MAY. IT WON'T EVER GET EASIER, BUT YOU MIGHT GO FASTER, OR LAST LONGER."

-MARK TWIGHT

“A LOT OF PEOPLE RUN A RACE TO SEE WHO IS FASTEST. I RUN TO SEE WHO HAS THE MOST GUTS WHO CAN PUNISH HIMSELF INTO EXHAUSTING PACE, AND THEN AT THE END, PUNISH HIMSELF EVEN MORE. NOBODY IS GOING TO WIN A 5,000METER RACE AFTER RUNNING AN EASY 2 MILES. NOT WITH ME. IF I LOSE FORCING THE PACE ALL THE WAY, WELL, AT LEAST I CAN LIVE WITH MYSELF.“

-STEVE PREFONTAINE

“SUFFERING PROVIDES THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXERCISE WILL AND DEVELOP GRIT… THE MIND AND BODY ADAPT TO BOTH COMFORT AND DEPRIVATION… RELISH THE CHALLENGE OF OVERCOMING DIFFICULTIES THAT WOULD CRUSH ORDINARY MEN... LEARN TO SUFFER.”

-MARK TWIGHT – excerpts from "Extreme Alpinism - Climbing Light, Fast and High"

“SOMETIMES IF YOU WANT TO BE A WINNER, YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO BEAR THE SCARS FROM THE FIGHT.”

-PETRA SALVAJE

'EACH OF US GIVES WHAT WE ARE ABLE AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY, WILLING TO GIVE TO LIFE. HOW WE REACT WHEN OUR CAPACITY AND WILL FALL SHORT OF OUR EXPECTATIONS DETERMINES HOW WE VIEW OURSELVES...".

-MARK TWIGHT~"GYM JONES" website