Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Day 206...cHaLLenGes...

Today was challenging...for more than one reason. I'm struggling with my self image. It's truly a challenge for me to see myself as others do. I feel sad and frustrated. I'm disappointed with myself, because I know that my perception is distorted. I KNOW...this talk has gotten so tired! So...aside from my neurotic shenanigans...today's workout was a definite challenge as well. J is back from the CF cert and he is excited to teach this "old dog" some new tricks! I was nervous...not that I couldn't "do it"...but nervous that I wouldn't feel like I worked out long enough. THESE are the thoughts that get me into trouble. I'm always proven wrong!

J started out by teaching me how to do a correct hang-clean-squat with my 20 LB medicine ball. Then he coached and coached and coached me to try and help me get it "right". He was good. He was persistent, but he never showed outward signs of getting mad or frustrated with me...and I can be SO ANNOYING when someone is trying to teach me something. I ask jillions of questions and I get a smart mouth, because I feel dumb when I perceive failure. I was impressed. He didn't let up, but he also stayed calm. I eventually got it. I'm nowhere near perfect...I'll have to practice at home...but I started to learn how it's supposed to feel. W taught me the importance of "feeling" the exercise when done correctly. I still distinctly remember the day...early on in my training with W...when he said, "Concentrate on the muscles that is lifting the weight, rather than just moving the weight." FEELING makes a BIG difference.

After "class" was out, we went in another room to workout. It was so hot in there and the workout was BRUTAL. The hang-clean-squats were not as bad as the burpees. J learned the "correct" even more HELLACIOUS way that CF says to do burpees. My legs were burning. J was great. He kept me going and he did the burpees with me. That 20 LB medicine ball is a B*&@H! I can't even imagine what people were thinking when I was grunting and yelling in there. My face was bright red...I was covered in sweat...my stomach was churning...and my head was splitting when I was done. As usual...the sick part..was that I LOVED it! I hated being miserable for a good 30 minutes afterwards, but I love being pushed. My only regret...I wish I would've dug a little deeper...gone a little faster. I feel like I gave it all I had. I hope next time...I have more in the tank.



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