the pain diaries: Day 248...wEakLiNg...

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Day 248...wEakLiNg...

I hate to admit it...but I'm actually having a lot of fun at the Cooper Institute. I've made some friends and I'm learning a lot. My favorite new friend was freaking me out today. He looks and acts like my good friend, W. It's almost scary. His build is almost identical. He looks like W, when I first met him. We laid in the floor and laughed during our "Flexibility" section today. We were dying because we are so inflexible. He even got me to do something I didn't want to do...without much resistance...yet another "W like" quality. He got me to try hummus. It wasn't too bad. I'd like to try another flavor...he said to try garlic. Anyways...I'm actually going to miss my new friends, D and S and the 2 Ms when this week ends...we've had fun so far.

So, everything is going really well at school..at least it was until late this afternoon when we started doing the assessments. I knew I would suck at the "sit and reach" test because I'm inflexible...so that did not bother me...but I figured I'd do well on pushups and situps. Me and my girl friends in class were pretty close with situps, because they take longer to do than a pushup...especially the "old school" way thy make you do them. Pushups...I was so shocked by. Okay...so here's the lowdown on my "girls". S sits next to me. She's a dietician...very bubbly and easy to talk to...she's thin, but not "tight" or muscular...she's 45 yrs old and very much looks her age. Then there's the 2 Ms...the first M is a trainer...37...pretty...very good shape but not especially muscular...eats really "clean" and never stops whining...about being cold or hungry or tired or bored. She's kinda annoying but she's also likeable. The other M is a late twenties single mom...she's a tiny, skinny, mousy little thing...not strong looking AT ALL...she's scared to death of failing the test on Friday...but overall she's really nice. So, I'm thinkin...push up test?...NO PROBLEMA! I'm gonna blow these girls away. Then...they ALL did more than me...by quite a bit. I only did 23 in a minute!!!

I went to the gym on my way home and I tried to do bicep curls with a 40 lb bar...something I've done fairly easily before. I could only do 10. I tried to workout, but I was so discouraged, that I just left. Now, I feel SO weak. When I look I the mirror...I see fat. I'm just shocked. What is going on with me? I used to be strong. I used to win. Now...I feel like a weakling.

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..............WHY?...............

This is my training log...my "workout diary" if you will. It is mostly for ME, but if it motivates someone else, that's great too! I write everday as a way of being accountable to myself. It's a way to track my progress, correct my mistakes, and a way to look back and view my day to day struggle to continue to work towards being the best possible version of myself. Sometimes, I am tired or lonely or unmotivated. Sometimes, I am "powerful beyond measure". Sometimes it is fun...easy. Other times, it is almost unbearable. I use to have my trainers to push me...but NOW I am on my own.

QUOTES THAT INSPIRE ME TO PUSH HARDER...GO FASTER...AND TRAIN LONGER

"SOME DEFINE OBSESSION AS NEGATIVE. I SAY IT'S HOW YOU GET THINGS DONE."

-MARK TWIGHT

"PAIN IS TEMPORARY. IT MAY LAST A MINUTE, OR AN HOUR, OR A DAY, OR A YEAR, BUT EVENTUALLY IT WILL SUBSIDE AND SOMETHING ELSE TAKES IT'S PLACE. IF I QUIT HOWEVER, IT LASTS FOREVER."

-LANCE ARMSTRONG

"TO BE TRANSFORMED BY EFFORT, ONE MUST DIG DEEP...SURPASS ONE'S EXPECTATIONS OR SELF-IMPOSED LIMITATIONS...RISK FAILURE...BLOW UP, AND 'GET THE FULL DOSE'...IT ALWAYS HURTS YOU GO AS HARD AS YOU CAN."

-MARK TWIGHT-"GYM JONES" WEBSITE

"TO GIVE ANYTHING LESS THAN YOUR BEST IS TO SACRIFICE THE GIFT."

-STEVE PREFONTAINE

“PUNISH YOUR BODY TO PERFECT YOUR SOUL.”

-MARK TWIGHT

“ONLY THOSE WHO WILL RISK GOING TOO FAR CAN POSSIBLY FIND OUT HOW FAR ONE CAN GO.”

-T.S. ELIOTT

"THE BENEFITS OF FITNESS ARE NOT MERELY PHYSICAL. SUCCESSFUL COMPLETION OF A SERIES OF DIFFICULT, SHORT-DURATION, HIGH INTENSITY EFFORTS BUILDS SELF-ASSUREDNESS IN A WAY THAT VERY FEW OTHER ACTIVITIES CAN. TOUGH WORKOUTS THAT PUSH AN INDIVIDUAL TO THE VERY LIMIT OF HIS OR HER CAPACITIES MAY BECOME THE GATEWAY TO HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS. AND THAT AWARENESS OFTEN LEADS TO CONFIDENCE."

-MARK TWIGHT

"WHEN A PERSON TRAINS ONCE, NOTHING HAPPENS. WHEN A PERSON FORCES HIMSELF TO DO A THING A HUNDRED OR A THOUSAND TIMES, THEN HE CERTAINLY HAS DEVELOPED IN MORE WAYS THAN PHYSICAL. IS IT RAINING? THAT DOESN'T MATTER. AM I TIRED? THAT DOESN'T MATTER EITHER. THEN WILLPOWER WILL BE NO PROBLEM"

-EMIL ZATOPEK

"GIVE IT EVERYTHING AND LET THE CHIPS...OR WHATEVER...FALL WHERE THEY MAY. IT WON'T EVER GET EASIER, BUT YOU MIGHT GO FASTER, OR LAST LONGER."

-MARK TWIGHT

“A LOT OF PEOPLE RUN A RACE TO SEE WHO IS FASTEST. I RUN TO SEE WHO HAS THE MOST GUTS WHO CAN PUNISH HIMSELF INTO EXHAUSTING PACE, AND THEN AT THE END, PUNISH HIMSELF EVEN MORE. NOBODY IS GOING TO WIN A 5,000METER RACE AFTER RUNNING AN EASY 2 MILES. NOT WITH ME. IF I LOSE FORCING THE PACE ALL THE WAY, WELL, AT LEAST I CAN LIVE WITH MYSELF.“

-STEVE PREFONTAINE

“SUFFERING PROVIDES THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXERCISE WILL AND DEVELOP GRIT… THE MIND AND BODY ADAPT TO BOTH COMFORT AND DEPRIVATION… RELISH THE CHALLENGE OF OVERCOMING DIFFICULTIES THAT WOULD CRUSH ORDINARY MEN... LEARN TO SUFFER.”

-MARK TWIGHT – excerpts from "Extreme Alpinism - Climbing Light, Fast and High"

“SOMETIMES IF YOU WANT TO BE A WINNER, YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO BEAR THE SCARS FROM THE FIGHT.”

-PETRA SALVAJE

'EACH OF US GIVES WHAT WE ARE ABLE AND, MORE IMPORTANTLY, WILLING TO GIVE TO LIFE. HOW WE REACT WHEN OUR CAPACITY AND WILL FALL SHORT OF OUR EXPECTATIONS DETERMINES HOW WE VIEW OURSELVES...".

-MARK TWIGHT~"GYM JONES" website