Yesterday, I rested. I mean..really rested. I didn't workout...not even cardio...and I didn't walk the mall for hours. I went to bed early the past two nights...now I don't know why I bothered. I was supposed to go in and lift a series of weights to find my "Crossfit Total". I wanted to lift heavy...but from the moment I did my first practice squats with the bar...I worried that I was in trouble.I was weak. I couldn't back squat any more than 135 lbs. I KNOW I'm stronger than that! Finally, we decided that this wasn't the day to do this. J said, "Maybe we should just abort this.." I willingly agreed...but I was frustrated. Then...when we tried some other "skills" practice...the weakness continued. I felt like I was having an out of body experience...like this is not me...like I'm Rocky in Rocky 3 when Apollo is trying to help him find "the eye of the tiger" again...when they are sparing in the ring and Apollo yells at him. J didn't yell at me...he didn't need to...I took care of it internally.
Finally I rowed 5,000 m so that I would feel like I'd done something of worth today in the gym...but even that was a poor effort. I could barely keep going. I hate that. I always feel like my body is betraying me when I can't keep going.
I thought...I was good...strong. I thought...that I could do anything I want to in the gym...if I keep pushing. Today...I was afraid...I AM afraid. What if I've lost what it takes?...
....................THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKIN ABOUT.......................
No comments:
Post a Comment