Friday, December 14, 2007

Day 92...not so good at new...

Today I was nervous. I was worried...just plain full of fear and anticipation. My new trainer, J, asked me to go to a different gym and workout THERE with that we could "check it out". I'm not giving up my membership at my regular gym. I could just be adding another that I just workout with HIM at. I really don't care where I work out...I care more about the how and the who...the "Compound" was proof of that.

The thing is...I'm not confident. I get embarrassed really easily and I HATE to fail. I'm not good at "new" stuff. I'm a creature of habit. I enjoy doing things that I can do...well...perfect. I always come off as as a cucumber, but it's all an act. It's the way I protect myself, so stepping outside of my comfort zone is...HARD...because it's work to ACT like everything is okay...when it doesn't FEEL okay. I know it's good for me so I agreed without mentioning all this stuff. I mean I barely know this's WAY too early for him to think I'm crazy!

I was nervous that he would have me climb the rope that they have hanging from the ceiling at this place. I haven't climbed a rope since 7th grade gym. It was humiliating then...memorable. I was sure it would be humiliating now. Well. maybe not...I'm stronger now. I got there 5 min late and he was there waiting for me. I warmed up by jump roping and then it happened. He told me to climb the rope. He showed me how. I tried. He showed me how AGAIN. I tried again. I couldn't do it. I smiled and giggled, but I wanted to run leave. I felt embarrassed and deflated. He was really nice to me, but I know he was frustrated and disappointed...he HAD to was a PATHETIC display! Then he wanted me to kick the fake rubber man. Good grief! How much worse can this get?!? I know I looked pathetic...he laughed and gave me pointers...I listened and I tried, but I was awkward and it was unnatural. We moved on to other more familiar "moves" and I started to feel better. I had some "balance issues" using the Swiss Ball, but that was okay...that didn't make me feel like a the rope did. I took my kettlebells and we had some fun with those...finally!...something I could do better than J, at least for one day anyway.

All in all it was a good workout and I felt good when I left. I'm not crazy about the location, but the who and how was pretty good. I was thankful that J didn't outwardly show utter disgust at my inability to complete many of the exercises. He was patient and nice. I don't know why, but I feel very comfortable with him. I didn't think I would when I first spoke to him on the phone.

In the end, I was reminded that some things in life change. Ugly ducklings can turn into swans. Fat girls can lose weight. Weaknesses can become strengths. Unfortunately, other things in life seem to remain my fear of the unknown; of failure. I was reminded once again that I'm not so good at new stuff, but I survived anyway and walked out satisfied and happy in spite of it.

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