Day 97...good one...

Today was good. It wasn't the hardest workout of my life, but I still had a good workout. I'm struggling to come to grips with the fact that, as my new trainer, J said the other day, "it doesn't have to be an a-- whippin everytime to get benefit" from a workout. J gave me another good workout today. Now that I don't have my workouts written out for me on paper, I have to just try and remember or describe what I was told to do...the best I can. Forgive me...I don't know the correct names of the exercises.

Here's a rough idea of what we did:
I did 1 min of BALL SLAMS with a 12# medicine ball
then: 15 KTEs (knees to elbows)
1 min RENEGADE ROWS (20#-horizontal hold)
1 min SWISS BALL REV CRUNCH - hands on the floor, feet on ball pulling it in toward body)
1 min SEATED ROWS (40# in squat position hovering over the bench/not sitting)
1 min SM MED BALL IN & OUT OF LEGS (sitting in a "V" formation)
1 min FORWARD INDIVIDUAL ARM PRESS w cable in a deep lunge position (10# ???)
15(?) LAT PULLDOWNS (70# in a hovering squat position, rather than sitting on the bench)

We did 2 ROUNDS (I think) then went outside to throw the 12# MEDICINE BALL against the building (first underhanded for I think a minute, then overhand ONLY using my arms and shoulders-no knee bends or help from my legs-RATS!)

Then I did 100 LUNGES and 30 MIN OF INTERVALS ON THE ELLIPTICAL & 10 MIN ON THE UPRIGHT BIKE (HILLS)

Today was good. I will be out of town until Sunday, so no updates until then...

Day 96...a sore foot and a bike ride...

Today my foot is really sore from the injection I received on Monday. It seems worse. It feels like...there is something in there that I'm walking on. It's not unbearable...but uncomfortable. That really frustrates me. I went to the gym and just did a quick workout. It went pretty well...considering.

WORKOUT
45 MIN-HILLS PROG/RECUMBENT BIKE
150 SQUATS (JUST BODY WEIGHT)
50 STEP UPS ON BENCH (ALTERNATE 25 ON ONE LEG/25 ON THE OTHER)
STRETCH

Day 95...not right...

This morning nothing seemed right...from the moment I got to the gym...my foot was hurting where i got another injection yesterday...I was late...I felt weak; out of sorts. I HATE DAYS LIKE TODAY!!! I always leave wondering what I really accomplished. I've had these days before. Some days I have the giggles and I'm silly...other's I'm hurt or tired...other's I'm weak or just can't seem to get it together. I felt bad for J. He probably thinks I'm a freak. He's probably wondering what the hell happened. Good thing we are still in the "Honeymoon" phase or he probably would have gotten mad. I wanted to do better, I just couldn't. He told me not to do cardio, because of my foot hurting. I listened and now I really feel like I didn't do anything! I feel really frustrated and disappointed with myself.

SOME OF THE EXERCISES TODAY:
TRICEP PRESSES (FORWARD WITH PULLEY/EA ARM SEPERATE)10#
PLANK (FEET ON SWISS BALL/ARMS LOCKED OUT HOLDING BENCH OR FEET ON BENCH/HANDS ON BALL)
REVERSE CRUNCH
DIPS
LYING PRESS WITH 30# BAR
FLUTTER KICKS
SITUP WHILE PRESSING 25# STRAIGHT UP

(that's all I can think of now....)

Day 94...good old fashioned butt kickin...

It was great to workout today after 2 days off. It was a tough one, so it was probably good that I was well rested. I did 3 rounds of:



30 RENEGADE ROWS (20# DB not vertical on ground, but horizontal)
FARMER'S WALK AROUND ROOM (2 - 45# plates)
20 OVERHEAD PRESSES WITH 35# PLATE
FARMER'S WALK
25 KETTLEBELL SWINGS (25#)
PUSH PUNCHING/KICKING BAG ACROSS ROOM
DRAG WHOLE BODY FROM ONE SIDE TO THE OTHER WHILE FEET RESTING ON DISKS
20 BALL TOSS WITH 15# MEDICINE BALL
DRAG FROM ONE SIDE TO THE OTHER ON DISKS "CATERPILLAR" STYLE
15 LEG LIFTS AS HIGH AS POSSIBLE WHILE HANGING ON DIP
3 ROUNDS FOR TIME EACH TIME

This was a butt kicker! J and I did the last 2 rounds together. I improved my time...everytime!

THEN: ONE LEGGED DEADLIFT WITH 25# KETTLEBELL (12 EA LEG-3X)

THEN: 2 ROUNDS OF 15 SITUPS ON INCLINE BENCH HOLDING A 20LB WEIGHT STRAIGHT UP IN AIR

CARDIO:
30 MIN OF INTERVALS ON TREADMILL (3 MIN WALK 4.1 / 3 MIN RUN 8.6)

Today was hard, but I really enjoyed it. I was definitely tired when I got done...and that's a good thing.

Day 94...sUbMissiOn...

Submission...that's always been a hard thing for me. I could try to find a reason; an excuse as to why I hate to submit to the will of others, but it would be unproductive. The fact is...I hate to submit. It scares me. It makes me feel like a puppet on a string...a helpless puppet controlled by someone else. I have always resisted the will of others as far back as I can remember. I don't think I will ever become truly submissive, but I am learning that submitting does not always mean being controlled. Sometimes it means gaining control through another.

I think one of the most valuable lessons that I have learned from working with a personal trainer, is that sometimes I have to let go...I have to submit to the will of another...for my own good. I'm still learning...learning to trust...to sacrifice what I think...to allow others to help me. I have always felt like I don't need anyone...like I can do it myself...like I have to take care of myself because no one else will. The truth is I have never really allowed other people to take care of me...I resist. I resist because I'm afraid of being disappointed or hurt.

W taught me so much about letting go of the control. At first it bothered me; angered me even...then, I began to trust him...to let him help me...mold me. As I grew stronger...became better...I realized how important it was to submit to the process. I'm so grateful for that. It is a gift. I am learning again. I don't know J like I know W, but I DO believe that he sincerely wants to help me be...better; stronger. I have to let go of my fears and insecurities, so that changes can occur. As I learn to trust again...to submit to the will of another...again...I can only grow stronger . Tomorrow is the first day of a new week and I look forward to what it will bring.

NO WORKOUT OR CARDIO/ REST DAY

Day 93...NOT good...

Today was...NOT good...terrible. Anything that could happen, happened. I got up later than I wanted to. My kids were disobedient. We had to wait FOREVER to eat breakfast at IHOP while breaking up constant fights between our kids. My oldest child was so mouthy that we came home instead of going to the gym...etc...etc...etc. I feel better now, but earlier...I was pretty sad. I felt like the worst mom in the world. My kids don't mind me, and I yelled at Jake for spilling a whole container of Sunny D in the kitchen. I was mean because I was frustrated and the mess was just the last straw. It was an accident for Heaven's sake! I cleaned it up and apologized. I went to go get Sherbet for a church Christmas party and clothes for my child's choir concert. She refused to go with me to try stuff on...I didn't have any fight left in me. In fact, I felt slightly relieved to go off...alone. It seemed easier to buy a bunch of stuff and return what doesn't work later. It's after 10:30 and I NEVER got to workout. That makes me sad...really sad. It makes me feel fat and lazy. I've mentally obsessed about it ALL day. I look forward to Saturdays. I work really hard and feel good when I leave. Oh well, some days are like that...

Day 92...not so good at new...

Today I was nervous. I was worried...just plain full of fear and anticipation. My new trainer, J, asked me to go to a different gym and workout THERE with him...so that we could "check it out". I'm not giving up my membership at my regular gym. I could just be adding another one...one that I just workout with HIM at. I really don't care where I work out...I care more about the how and the who...the "Compound" was proof of that.

The thing is...I'm not confident. I get embarrassed really easily and I HATE to fail. I'm not good at "new" stuff. I'm a creature of habit. I enjoy doing things that I can do...well...perfect. I always come off as confident...cool as a cucumber, but it's all an act. It's the way I protect myself, so stepping outside of my comfort zone is...HARD...because it's work to ACT like everything is okay...when it doesn't FEEL okay. I know it's good for me so I agreed without mentioning all this stuff. I mean I barely know this guy...it's WAY too early for him to think I'm crazy!

I was nervous that he would have me climb the rope that they have hanging from the ceiling at this place. I haven't climbed a rope since 7th grade gym. It was humiliating then...memorable. I was sure it would be humiliating now. Well. maybe not...I'm stronger now. I got there 5 min late and he was there waiting for me. I warmed up by jump roping and then it happened. He told me to climb the rope. He showed me how. I tried. He showed me how AGAIN. I tried again. I couldn't do it. I smiled and giggled, but I wanted to run away...to leave. I felt embarrassed and deflated. He was really nice to me, but I know he was frustrated and disappointed...he HAD to be...it was a PATHETIC display! Then he wanted me to kick the fake rubber man. Good grief! How much worse can this get?!? I know I looked pathetic...he laughed and gave me pointers...I listened and I tried, but I was awkward and it was unnatural. We moved on to other more familiar "moves" and I started to feel better. I had some "balance issues" using the Swiss Ball, but that was okay...that didn't make me feel like a loser...like the rope did. I took my kettlebells and we had some fun with those...finally!...something I could do better than J, at least for one day anyway.

All in all it was a good workout and I felt good when I left. I'm not crazy about the location, but the who and how was pretty good. I was thankful that J didn't outwardly show utter disgust at my inability to complete many of the exercises. He was patient and nice. I don't know why, but I feel very comfortable with him. I didn't think I would when I first spoke to him on the phone.

In the end, I was reminded that some things in life change. Ugly ducklings can turn into swans. Fat girls can lose weight. Weaknesses can become strengths. Unfortunately, other things in life seem to remain constant...like my fear of the unknown; of failure. I was reminded once again that I'm not so good at new stuff, but I survived anyway and walked out satisfied and happy in spite of it.

Day 91...here we go again!...

Well this morning has been busy. I only had time for cardio this morning, because I had to go to my 3rd graders spelling bee. She did great! She finished in the top 3, will get a trophy, and she'll go to the district spelling bee in January. Now, I'm off for yet ANOTHER shot in my foot. I'm really over it...I'm over the shots but mostly...I'm over my foot hurting...especially when I run. I gotta go...I'm determined to be on time today!

CARDIO
10 MIN RUN 8.0 TREADMILL
35 MIN CROSSTRAINER (6)
TOTAL=45 MIN

POSTSCRIPT- I don't know what happened, but I got to the doctor...ON TIME FOR ONCE... and the office was locked up...noone there. UGH! I musta gone on the wrong day. I've been going for a couple of months...every other Thursday, so I didn't even bother to check. All that anticipation for NOTHIN!

Day 90...my Achilles heel...

I thought that my ABS were my Achilles heel, but today I found a new one...my triceps. I have felt for sometime now that my triceps were weak. I haven't gotten them back post surgery. I do exercises here and there, but no improvement. It wasn't until today that I learned just how weak they really are. It was borderline embarrassing!

I had a GREAT training session today. I brought my medicine ball and did medicine ball slams. Then, J and I threw it to each other in different ways for 10 minutes. I did jumping pullups with a slow 3 count on the down. I did jumping lunge skater things. This showed him how uncoordinated I am...I couldn't hide it forever! Then we did weights. I went to do some tricep work...granted it was an exercise I had never done, but I couldn't press even 15# forward...especially on my right arm. I think J and I BOTH were surprised by this sad discovery. He's gonna whip me into shape though. I know it. For cardio, I did 20 min on the elliptical...then 15 minutes on the upright bike (hills program)...then 10 min of fast walking on the treadmill at the highest incline. I had to mix it up, because I was feeling bored and indecisive.

Today wasn't super hard, but I WAS challenged. It was a perfect mix of varying exercises and also a happy medium between being hard enough but not too hard. All in all....talking...working out...cardio...and stretching, I was in the gym for right at 2 hours. I really enjoyed today.

Day 89..."resting" rUn...

Today I'm "resting" so I just ran. Here's the stats...
RUN ON TREADMILL
TIME = 61 MIN (WALK 1ST AND LAST MIN TO WARMUP & COOLDOWN)
CALORIES BURNED = 771
MILES = 7.51


It's weird that I will "rest" from weights when I'm working with a trainer. It's like I feel...safe. It's like they are now in charge of my body and I can relax and do as I'm told...so weird.

Day 88...hUmbLeD...

Today I was sufficiently humbled. I thought I was tough...that I knew better...more. I was wrong. I was taken to school. I did horrible mountain climbers bringing my knees all the way up to my elbows for 2 minutes without stopping...I did hamstring curls until I had to struggle with everything I had to bring the bar ALMOST all the way up...I did diamond pushups...flutterkicks...and much more until I had a splitting headache and didn't think I could move another inch. It was hard and a little frustrating, but it was great. It was just what I needed. I had gotten a little "too big for my britches"...a little too cocky. I wasn't submitting and allowing myself to be coached. That ended today. My workout was awesome. It reminded me that there is always room for improvement...always goals to work towards. My new trainer, J did a great job today. He put me in my place...and I LOVED it!

Day 87...i tHiNk...i'M thAnKFuL...

Sometimes, it's hard to know what to write...especially on Sundays...my "rest" day. It seems that if I can't come up with something great...something thought provoking or brilliant...I should just...not write anything at all. Unfortunately, if that were the case...I'd never write, so here goes what I have... I'm human. I have good days and bad days. I try to be positive (TRY being the key word in that sentence), but it doesn't always come out that way. I try to be thankful, but somedays...that can be a real job. As I thought about what to write today, yes...it may not appear so, but I do actually think about it...I was thinking that it's cold and I'm sore and I want to be thankful...and I am...I'm just not sure exactly what for specifically.

As I thought and wrestled with those thoughts, I was reminded of a quote. Buddha once said, "Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn alot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us be thankful." So, being humbled by those words, I can say this...I am sore, but I am satisfied. I am satisfied because I know that I am doing all I can to be in great physical shape...to strengthen my body and to "perfect my soul". I am hurting, but I am hopeful...and with that hope comes happiness...happiness because I have overcome my perceived limitations and the fear that accompanies them and hope because I never want to lose the desire for more...hope that I will continue to knock down the walls that keep me from reaching my true potential...hope that there is more for me. I am cold, but I am careful...careful to give thanks for the simplest of blessings...a warm house...a comfortable bed...food in my belly. These things seem like a given, but they are not for so many...not for the man on the street tonight...cold and hungry.

We can always be thankful...as long as we can draw breath...because as long as we are breathing...we are alive. Thanks, Buddha.....

NO WORKOUT OR CARDIO/ REST DAY

DAY 86...sORe...

Today my shoulders and upper back are a little tight...sore, but it is up underneath my armpits and on my chest that I am especially sore and tender. It's Saturday, so I was on my own...well not exactly...I had my book of workouts...just no trainer...at least not right there physically. I came in...and just did it...but not without a little struggle. I felt kinda off though...kinda out of sync...like I could never get into the zone or find a rhythm. I felt awkward and even a little weak. Maybe I'm just tired. It's so different working WITH someone...especially someone that I'm not used to yet. It definitely makes a difference when someone is there to push or to tell you to do things you don't want to do or wouldn't normally do on your own. I left off the first 2 exercises on the list, because they were pullups and pushups...both of which I did alot of yesterday and previously this week. I added some bicep curls and follwed the rest as written. I felt like I was clawing my way through...and completing the exercises...but not well. I guess some days are like that. If it was always easy and fulfilling; never bad or especially hard...I probably wouldn't enjoy the good days...the days when I even surprise myself with what I can do. Those days are few and far between, but I LOVE those days.

WEEK 12 / DAY 6
5 MIN WARM UP (3 MIN CROSSTRAINER/ 2 MIN JUMPING JACKS)
20 BICEP CURLS 15#DBs
30 PUSH PRESS 40# BAR
40 RDL 50#
50 SITUPS
60 SEATED ROWS 55#
70 SUMO DEADLIFT HIGHPULLS 25#
80 AIR SQUATS
90 FROGGIES
100 LUNGES
(ABOUT 40-45 MIN)...forgot to time exactly
CARDIO
WALK/RUN TREADMILL-ALTERNATING SPEEDS AND INCLINES (40 MIN)

TOTAL TIME=ABOUT 1 HR 30 MIN

Day 85...gEttiNg bAcK iN tHe rINg...

Today was my first official day as a paying customer with a new personal trainer. It's so ridiculous how strange and hard this has been to move forward...to let go...stop clinging so tightly to what I had. Like I've said before...I don't JUST let people in...it takes time and work to get into my proverbial "circle of trust"...but once you're in...I'm attached and then I don't want the circle to be broken. Sometimes this is more true with certain people than with others. I am reminding myself that letting go does NOT mean forgetting or being forgotten...it's not an end...it's a change...and change is good if you let it be.

It's fun to throw balls...have someone to "spot" me...go outside and run behind the building. I just love working out...sweating...pushing. I feel happy and free. I feel like I am accomplishing something. So, I can't really list what we did like I normally do, but I'll do my best to describe it...First, I did a circuit with 20 JUMPING PULLUPS with a pause at the top, 12 DIPS not on a bench but hanging from the machine I do the pullups on, 15 PUSHUPS with my hands on the foot pads of that same machine and my feet up on a "Swiss Ball" as W calls it...to me, it's just "THE BALL", then I did 10 STAR JUMPS holding 2.5 lb plates in each hand...starting in a squat position close to floor...then jumping almost in a jumping jack form you explode up and bring your legs apart and your hands together, last on this circuit was 30 VARIATIONS OF A RENEGADE ROW. In a pushup position grasping two 5# weights, you bring arms straight out (one at a time) and reach with the weight towards the ceiling looking towards the weight and then back down...alternating arms at a quick pace. We did this 3 X and in between each set, we went out to the parking lot and ran around. First time was around the building backwards and forwards. Second time was zig zagging up and down this grassy hill by the parking lot. Third time was throwing a 10# MEDICINE BALL up hill...run and get it...throw again and then throwing the medicine ball to each other...throw, catch, squat (goblet squat style) and throw back to partner. That last time we layed in the parking lot and did some ISOMETRIC HOLDS in a pushup position...halfway down...all the way down...it sucked...which is GOOD! Then we did a bunch of horrible ABS work... (My Achilles heel!)...stuff like flutter kicks etc...all the stuff I hate but I NEED. Then, we went inside for 20 SITUPS on the incline bench (SET UP ALL THE WAY UP!) with him throwing me a 15# MEDICINE BALL at the top, me going down holding it close to my chest and coming back up and throwing it back to him. When my workout was over, I did 35 minutes of CARDIO on the ELLIPTICAL, stretched and went home. I was there for over 2 hours including time not spent with my trainer, but there was a lot of time spent talking and paying etc so it's hard to judge time.

I had a great time. I was pushed and I sweat like crazy. I enjoyed mixing things up, but it is still a familiar style of working out so that's comforting I guess. I'm glad I decided to stop looking at yesterday and move towards tomorrow...I'm glad that I found the courage to step back in the ring.

Day 84...uneventful...

Today was pretty uneventful. I wanted to start working with J today, but he had an interview and couldn't train me this morning. That was a bummer, but I got my book out and turned to today. Then I went to the gym and did it. I got a slow start because Mr. C was busy telling me about his bodyguard services and what an expert he is at shooting his gun...YAWN. I was on the crosstrainer about to get started and he was holding the handle so I couldn't even workout while he yammered on. I just had to stand there...clock ticking...trying to be polite. He told me how he has pictures of himself on the back of his bodyguard resume..."one in a tuxedo...one in a suit...one in casual wear...and one in sports wear"...and how he ALWAYS gets the job because he "looks good and always looks the part". Oh dear...can you say...delusional? Anyway, once I was free from that crazy, one-sided conversation...I got started. I didn't do anything extra...just what was written and cardio. It wasn't hard...at all. Tomorrow, I work with J again. I wonder how it will go the 2nd time??? I hope it goes as well as Tuesday did.

WEEK 12/ DAY 4
5 MIN WARMUP
50 SITUPS
50 BACK EXTENSIONS
RUN 1 MILE
50 BACK EXTENSIONS
CARDIO
30 MIN RECUMBENT BIKE
5 MIN STRETCH

Day 83...resting...sort of...

Today I am "resting" from weight lifting...funny I don't feel rested at all. In fact, I practically crawled out of the gym. I decided JUST to run...that's it. So what do I do?...Do I run for 3 miles?...Do I run at an easy, but brisk pace?...NO! OF COURSE NOT! I ran for an hour...pretty fast..for 7 miles! When I got home, my chin and the sides of my face looked white from the salt from my sweat. EWWW! I feel really sore and really tired. I didn't think I'd be sore after my workout with J yesterday, but I was wrong. I'm not incapacitated sore...but I'm definitely..."aware" of certain muscle groups. So I was exhausted when I got done, but I was proud that I didn't stop when I wanted to and finished what I set out to do.

RUN ON TREADMILL
-------------------------
7.32 MILES - (AVG PACE 8:11)
TIME = 1 HR 2 SEC
CALORIES BURNED = 715

Day 82...first day with a new trainer...

Well, I did it...I made the call...I kept the appointment. I worked out with a new trainer today. I honestly thought this day would never come. I guess in all reality I KNEW it would...I just secretly hoped it wouldn't. I hoped my friend would return...that he would go serve and return...that he would WANT to train me as much as I want him to train me...but he says he won't be back. He says if he does come back...he won't train. I understand and I am okay. Sooooo, what's a girl to do??? This girl is starting fresh...starting again. I still treasure the time I had and eventhough he's done training me...W is still my friend. It's just that I can't live in the past anymore...I can't live my life in limbo...I can't wait for something that will never come. Relationships change; evolve...it can be a good thing if we "roll" with it and embrace the change. I'm not good at the whole changing..."rolling" thing, but I'm working hard at it. This was the first big step I needed to take.

I got to the gym a little anxious. "Will he think I'm a clutzy weirdo?" "What if I can't do what he tells me to do?" "Will I like him?" "Will it be weird or uncomfortable?" These were my thoughts as I drove to the gym. It was none of that. It was good...fun...not at all uncomfortable. Sure it was different, but it was more familiar than I expected. This new trainer, J, had BIG shoes to fill and he did alright. I'm not sure that he knows how to test body fat...actually, I'm sure he does, but their equipment was messed up and I think it was making him nervous...but the rest of the session was good.

At first, I wasn't sure if it would be hard enough...and along the way, I would say..."I need a heavier or lighter weight...or I think I can go a minute instead of 30 sec...or I think I can do a pushup in the middle...etc." But, those times were really few and far between. I did some interesting stuff and some stuff that I was scared to do...like box jumps on the tallest platform. I was definitely sweating and breathing heavy. By the time we struggled to test my body fat...worked out...and talked about scheduling...we had been there 2 hours! When I got to the crosstrainer for cardio, and started to propel myself forward, I felt the first twinge. My biceps...lower back...even my QUADS (whoa!)...felt tired and were beginning to feel sore. I don't get sore much anymore, so that was a welcomed feeling. That's how I know I worked hard. It was tough today...much TOUGHER than I expected. I was pleasantly surprised. Today was good...like old times...but with a new person. I still miss W, but this was a nice change. It was different, but still good.

Day 81...conquering...ONE squat at a time...

Today was a day of squats. I don't usually struggle TOO bad with squats. I mean doing 150 at once is always a challenge, but today it seemed harder than usual. On my second set of 150...I thought..for a brief moment...about stopping...changing course. I didn't and I managed to get through 300 squats...sometimes 30 at a time...sometimes I had to take them one at a time. The important part is I completed what I started. It's like life. Sometimes, it seems like it would be easier to stop the ride and get off. Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle...almost like I'm climbing a ladder with no end in sight, but I know that if I keep looking up and keep moving forward one step at a time...I WILL conquer the challenges I face everyday.

WEEK 12/ DAY 1
5 MIN WARMUP CROSSTRAINER
150 SQUATS
RUN .5 MILES (8.5 TREADMILL)
150 SQUATS
(15 MIN)

I ADDED SOME ARMS...
15 DB FLYS 8#
20 BICEP CURLS W/20# BAR
20 DIPS
20 FRONT SHOULDER RAISES (HOLDING 2-10# PLATES)
3 ROUNDS
(15 MIN)

CARDIO
15 MIN ON ELLIPTICAL
25 MIN TREADMILL WALKING (ALTERNATING 5 MIN WALK FLAT @ 4.6 & 5 MIN WALK AT HIGHEST INCLINE @4.4)
5 MIN STRETCH
TOTAL TIME = 1 HR 20 MIN

Day 80...resting and wrapping and thinking...

Today is Sunday...my rest day. Everyone...friends...family...personal trainers tell me I should rest more...that I workout too much, but I can't seem to allow myself to do that. Sunday is the only day I rest. Church was short today, so we got home earlier. I was relaxing in my room...thinking...worrying...so I decided to start wrapping Christmas presents. I got most of the presents I've purchased wrapped. That was a relief, but I still have many more to buy. I want to get finished this week. For once, I want to be able to sit back and enjoy the season. I'm going to work hard this week, so that I can rest and enjoy and reflect upon the real reason we celebrate this season and what it means to me.

NO WORKOUT OR CARDIO/ REST DAY

Day 79...wOrN OuT...

I am worn out as I write this. My eyes are heavy and my muscles are not sore, but they are definitely tired. I want to get in bed, but I won't. It's overcast and cool and damp, and it's kinda dark in my house. The fighting has subsided between my kids and it's quiet. These factors add to the feeling of fatigue I'm experiencing, but I think my workout this morning is the real cause.

I LOVE to take a "beating" when I'm working out. I really do. It's the only way I feel a sense of accomplishment afterwards. Weird? Yes. Sick? Probably. The only problem is that somedays when I work that hard, I feel worn out for the rest of the day. I feel like "I left it all on the table" so to speak and I have no more. I never regret that because I'm committed and know that that means I truly gave it my all...that I didn't cheat or cut corners. I've had fun working out alongside my husband the last couple of Saturdays. He's not a hardcore maniac like me, so I recognize that it is a real struggle and sacrifice for him to join in the abuse. I don't know if he knows how much I enjoy and appreciate it.

Today's workout took a long time to complete. Once again I forgot to look at the clock when I started...so frustrating that I keep doing that. I'm guessing it took 45 min. It was a deceiving workout on paper. I thought it would be a breeze...short...but it was challenging...and long. I truly enjoyed it though. It was worth feeling worn out afterwards, because I also feel strong and committed and proud.

WEEK 11/ DAY 6
5 MIN WARM UP ON CROSSTRAINER
SHOULDER PRESS 15#
DB BICEP CURL 15#
TRICEP PRESSDOWN 20 #
PUSHUPS
SEATED ROWS 55#
LEG EXTENSION 30#
LEG CURL 50#
CALF LIFT 70#
21, 18, 15, 12, 9

CARDIO
35 MIN ON ELLIPTICAL (NO HANDS) DOING INTERVALS
5 MIN STRETCH
TOTAL TIME= ???...ALOT!