Monday, February 18, 2008

Day's not easy bein green...

I always feel like an escaped mental patient after surgery. I'm up...then I'm down. I'm thankful...I'm an ingrate. I never know what each day will bring. There is almost always pain in the beginning. I just don't know what variety it will be. Will it be physical?...or emotional?...or the worst kind?...both.

Physically...I feel fragile and VERY nauseous today. I refer to it as "being green". I've shed more than a few tears. When I'm "up", I'm stooped and hurting. When I'm in bed, my bones hurt. I'm in a soft bed with pillows surrounding me like a cocoon, but still my body feels it is digging in to the mattress.

Mentally...I feel trapped...trapped in a body that I normally exercise control over. hurts and betrays me. I feel like I am in slow motion and the world around me is moving in fast forward.

Today the pain is the worst kind.

"There is no greater grief than to remember days of joy when misery is at hand." -Dante Alighieri, "Inferno"


No comments: