Sunday, February 3, 2008

Day my glass half empty or half full?...

I am heading into this week with a bit of uncertainty. I'm trying to decide how I will see my glass half empty?...or is my glass half full? I will soon be taking some time off from working out...not because I want to...but because I have to for medical reasons. The thought of getting up each day and not using my body...not pushing myself devastating to me. Working out is my favorite past's what I love to do...what makes me happy...fulfilled. To be kept from one of the things I love is torture. I hate losing ground...becoming weaker. I hate being afraid...everyday...afraid that I will get fat again. I hate not seeing all the familiar faces at the gym everyday...especially the face of my trainer. All these things...make my glass half empty.

On the other hand, I will correct something that has been bothering me for quite a while...I'll get rid of the discomfort...once and for all. I can also get rid of the cloud hanging over my head. I will not have to worry or anticipate any more. I get excited to think about the possibility of liking what I see when I stand in front of the mirror. I get excited to know that one day this will be a distant memory and I will be back in the gym again...strong and happy. This makes my glass half full.

I know I constantly quote him, but Mark Twight always says things in such a matter of fact...yet unexpected way. Not everyone wants to be pushed or to rise above. Some people think it's ridiculous...too much...obsessive. He understands. Mark Twight says,

"Self-expression in the gym is the same as behavior in the outside world. Testing and self-hazing in the gym elevates or crushes us depending on whether we overcome ourselves or fall short of our expectations and self-image. For those who use the gym as a tool of self-discovery every success is the cue for analysis, and every failure produces the same reaction: what allowed me to transcend today? Or, what caused me to fall short? We face these tests alone or with partners, who help us, who hurt us, who ultimately walk the path with us."

This week will be bitter sweet. I am happy to know that I have a full week to work out...but the better this week is...the harder it will be to give up. I am happy knowing that I have people that love me and will sacrifice to take care of me...but it's hard to know that I won't see or talk to my trainer for a long time. He reminds me on a daily basis that the only limits I have are self imposed. He makes me want to go faster when we workout side by side. He encourages me to keep finish. When I think that I can't...he shows me that I can. I felt this way with W and now...I feel this way with J. They really are my partners in my quest to know myself my desire to rise above being average and mediocre. J walks the path with me almost everyday. Even when he is not with me physically...I carry his instructions with me and follow his advice. Many times, he causes me the pain that brings me pleasure and gives me peace and purpose. So, while my first instinct is to see my glass as half empty this week...I will take the advice and listen to the words that he has told me before. I will do my best to see my glass as half full.


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