I'm a perfectionist. I like things exact. I like to be prepared. I like to know the outcome before I do something...anything. I'm not patient and I don't like to wait. I don't believe everything I'm told. All of these qualities make faith a difficult concept for me at times.On a spiritual level...for example, my belief in Jesus...faith comes pretty easy. It's the day to day decisions and trials that I face...that is where I struggle...to believe that there is a greater purpose...that it will all work out.
I'm having surgery in exactly 2 days and 17 hours. I want to feel better...whole. I want to put this all behind me. I don't want to go through the pain of recovery...or worry about the uncertainty of the end result. I don't want to lay around...doing nothing...wishing I could workout. I know my doctor is a great doctor. I know my husband and family will take care of me. I know there are far worse trials that I could be facing...but I am scared...really scared...and my faith is in short supply.
It's so easy to tell other people what to do...how to react, but when it is YOU...yourself...it's a whole different thing. I would tell a friend that she were making the right choice...that it will be a good thing in the end. I would tell her not to worry...that it will be okay, but I can't seem to find a way to convince myself.
Now is the time for strength...mental strength. Now is the time to hold on...to keep pressing...to dig deep. Now is the time for faith.
SUNDAY = REST DAY
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"ANYONE CAN GIVE UP, IT'S THE EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD TO DO. BUT TO HOLD IT TOGETHER WHEN EVERYONE ELSE WOULD UNDERSTAND IF YOU FELL APART, THAT'S TRUE STRENGTH."
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