Sunday, September 30, 2007

Day 17...a leap of faith

Well, here I am...back to another Sunday...another "new beginning"...another day to rest. I can't believe that I have been working out alone for two weeks now. Funny how it changes from day to day. I still miss my trainer...friend. Sometimes, I will remember a conversation...a workout...something funny...a run...the strangest things bring up those memories...a song...a exercise...whatever. He was such a huge part of my life for a year, that there are alot of memories. I am really okay some days. I do my thing...I'm glad that he is gone doing something important to him...I don't feel sad. Other days I'm so so...I miss him...think about him...but I go about my day and I am content...I do not dwell on his absence. Still every now and then, I have a bad day...I am sad...lonely...frustrated...I fixate on how good things WERE...I worry that he has or will move on and forget me...those days, I'm unfocused and weak.

It has been a bit of a roller coaster ride - these past two weeks. My emotions have gone up and down. They have varied between so many different and opposite emotions. I have learned alot about myself in the process though. One thing that I've learned is that I CAN do it alone. But then I wonder, am I really doing it ALONE??? Physically, I'm alone...but in reality...I am not. My trainer taught me. In the beginning, it was hard for me to humble myself and submit to him, but I had to if I wanted to be better. I complete difficult workouts, but it's not like they are my ideas. My trainer left me with an instruction manual of exercises to follow and promised me that if I would do what he said...nothing more...nothing less...that I would be "better for it" (his words). It has taken a leap of faith to do this...but I am doing it.

Today in Sunday School, as we talked about all that Jesus has done for us, I started thinking that this experience I am going through right now. It's not just about learning to work out alone or about missing a friend. It's about having faith...believing...taking a step into the dark because only then can we see the light. We face challenges every day in life. When we are successful, we take credit and think we are doing it all alone, but we are not. Just as my friend has been here through his workouts, phone calls, and e-mails to help me make it through, Christ is there...helping us...guiding us...even sometimes carrying us...every day. He taught us through His example and He left us the scriptures as an "instruction manual". If we follow His teachings, we are all the "better for it", but it takes faith.

I hate that my friend is gone, but I know that I need to learn from this time apart. I know that if I will submit to this process, just as I had to submit to my trainer in the beginning, that I will be a better, stronger person in the end. For this...I am thankful.


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