Thursday, September 20, 2007

Day 7...running scared

Today I was suppossed to run 5K and do some abs...I kinda wish I had a list of ab workouts/options. I hate doing abs because mine are weak...and mine are weak because I hate working's a vicious cycle. The last time I was timed running 5K, I did it in about 24 min. I didn't care how fast I ran it today, I just wanted to run it in at least 24 min. I ran on the treadmill at the gym so that I could easily know exactly haw far I was going and have the time displayed right in front of me. I called today's entry "running scared", because I was kinda scared to run today. I wasn't concerned with endurance or ability...I was scared because my foot is hurting and I have a doctor's appt today to see what's going on. My worst fear/nightmare is that I will have to rest or need surgery. I can't rest. I HAVE to exercise...hard...everyday. It keeps me sane and it quiets the voices in my head. The voices of the old, out of control, fat me that creep up to tell me that I'm still fat...eventhough I'm not...or that I'm still weak...eventhough I'm strong. I just NEED to workout.


Well, I ran...and it hurt...but not as bad as it does sometimes. I think cutting out running on concrete trails is helping...eventhough I love that shady trail. I've also VERY RELUCTANTLY given up high heels and wedges...JUST for NOW...not even because it's best, but because it hurts so bad that I limp and look like a handicapped preteen on heels for the first time. Anyways, I walked for 5 min to warm up, and then restarted the time and ran 5K. It was hard. I forget how unforving and unrelenting the treadmill is. I forget that when I run outside I tend to slow down when I'm tired and speed up when I ready to be done. Treadmills force you to keep the pace you've chosen. It's also nice to be distracted by your surroundings, rather than feeling like a hamster on a wheel. I was sweating like crazy and people gave me the "why are you running so fast, you weirdo?!" look, but I finished in 22 min 58sec. It wasn't "Pre" speed by any stretch of the imagination, and the Olympic track and field team won't be calling, but I did what I set out to do. I beat my previous time. When I was done, I walked at 15 degrees incline (holding on) at 4.5 speed for 15min and then set off for ABS. I did 25 flutter kicks (2 sets), 25 scissor kicks (2 sets), sit ups touching alternating toes w/ legs spread (25 each foot/holding a 3 lb medicine ball), 15 laying on my back - handing the swiss ball to my feet and back up to my hands (2 sets), 25 side to side medicine ball rotations while sitting with legs bent and slighly leaning back (2 sets). I wanted to do more, but I had to go home to get ready for the podiatrist.

I went to the doc and she examined me and took x-rays. She asked if I had had a previous stress fracture, because it appeared that I had one that had healed or was almost healed. I had no clue...I guess that's the down side to learning to deal with can hurt yourself and not even know it. She said she would take more x-rays in 2 weeks to watch that. She said that I have a neuroma between my 2nd and 3rd toes. It's basically nerve damage from overuse, or high heels, or pointy toed shoes...or all of the above if you're me. She said I could continue to work out. Yeah! She also said that she would give me a steroid shot in my foot to help calm it down and ease the pain. She did. Once again, I freaked out a doctor because I just sat there as she shoved a long skinny needle in my foot and injected the burning steroid in my foot. She had warned of me of pretty bad pain that would last about 10 seconds, but it really wasn't bad. She asked with a puzzled look, "Do you even feel the burning?!" I said, Oh, yeah...I feel it, but I'm fine." I guess it WAS true when a trainer (not mine) at the gym called me a "pain freak". She said it'll feel much better over the next few days, and to do what I wanted with exercise, but avoid high heels for 2 weeks (UGH!). If this does not work, I will have to have a series of injections that basically kills the nerve. Untreated, people live in pain, with numbness and tingling, permanent damage, and the sensation of walking on an eraser...No thanks! Kill the nerve if necessary...I've got plenty more. If Dilios could live with only one eye (the spare God saw fit to grace him with), surely I can get along with one less nerve in my foot!

So, I'm home and feeling a wave of relief. I hope this gets better soon and that I don't have a healing stress fracture. I'm so glad I didn't allow the neurotic, psycho part of me cancel my appointment, because ignorance is NOT always's just ignorance.

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